tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28251768320441032352024-02-19T01:11:09.017-05:00To Him BelongSarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.comBlogger267125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-68160662465398668012015-05-09T21:53:00.003-04:002015-05-09T21:53:55.024-04:00When you have to trade in your red flower...I grew up in a traditional church where women wore flowers pinned to their dresses on Mother's Day Sunday. I was always fascinated by this from a very young age. Red was pinned with joy in the knowledge that your mother was still living. White was pinned in grief and remembrance that your mother had passed away.<br />
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Although my mom's mother passed away long before I was ever born, I don't remember my mom ever wearing a white rose pinned to her choir robe.<br />
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I was pondering this tradition this weekend as Mother's Day approaches and I decided that I am not trading in my red flower for a white flower.<br />
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I'm not in denial. In fact, I have very much come to a place where I can speak those words and say that "my mom is dead" if someone asks. I hate it when the words leave my lips, but it is my reality. <br />
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But I'm still not trading my red flower in for white. <b><i>I'm trading mine in for pink.</i></b><br />
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Do you know what happens when you mix red with white? You get pink. Pink is a much more accurate representation of where my mom is.<br />
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She is neither dead nor alive. Yes, she is dead in terms of her Earthly life, <i>but she is still very much alive</i>.<b><i> She is alive because on May 21st, 2014, The Lord gave her a new body that He had promised her when she accepted Him as her Savior</i></b>.<br />
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She is more alive than you and me.<br />
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I feel closest to my mother when I am singing worship music at church. I can imagine her standing at His feet and singing worship music to Him. So when I am worshipping the Lord...well, I just always feel this deep connection with her when I know we are both doing the same thing at the exact same moment. I know her worship looks different from mine. I am still a sinner while she has been made new. She has seen God in all His Glory. She knows more about God than I do.<br />
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So instead of skipping church on Mother's day like I had originally planned, I will wear my dress covered in pink flowers and honor and be near my mother. It may look different than the time you will spend with your mother. But when I feel the presence of God and think of my mom being completely and fully in His presence, well...it's the way I can be with her this Mother's Day. I am so thankful for how brave God can make us when we are so weak and broken.<br />
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So, I'm not trading in my red flower for white. No...I will proudly have pink and remember that my mother is <b><i>very much alive</i></b>.<br />
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Happy Mother's Day to you all. And for those of you wearing pink flowers, you are not alone. This life is our temporary home.<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-55045108925747459832015-05-02T10:35:00.001-04:002015-05-02T10:35:37.937-04:00Glorious Unfolding: the gift of timeI rarely write in this little space anymore. It isn't because of lack of material, but rather, lack of<b><i> time</i></b>. One of the many things I truly realized and embraced after my mother died was just how fleeting our <b>time</b> is here. I'm convinced that even if we knew the number of our days from the very beginning, it still wouldn't feel like enough time. I rest in the peace that God knows the number of our days even before we were created, yet it still doesn't keep me from feeling like "it was just too soon, Lord." <br />
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I was reminded of <i><b>time</b></i> when I found myself in the mall a few days ago and was bombarded with "Mother's Days" advertisements everywhere. How has it already been almost a year? I can remember last Mother's Day like it was yesterday, yet it feels like a lifetime ago that I last saw my mother and felt her hugs.<br />
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I can remember feeling grumpy that I had to leave my own family to go see my mom on Mother's Day. I wanted to have a lazy day to myself (because I am selfish), but I decided I really needed to go see my mom. I can't explain it, but looking back I'm so glad I got over myself...as it would be my last Mother's Day and my last real conversation with my mom. I took her a dozen hot pink roses (her favorite) and a sub sandwich. My mom didn't even really like sub sandwiches now that I think about it.<br />
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I stayed for about 5 hours and left around dinner as she was not feeling well. She would always walk me outside and wave as I pulled my car out of the driveway. But this time, my dad had put some water in the bathtub for her and I said my goodbyes then. Why didn't I stay and help her wash her hair? Why was I in such a rush that I couldn't wait a little longer and serve and help the person who brought me into this world?<br />
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The next weekend during Ella's ballet recital dress rehearsal was when I got the call. I still have her ticket in my wallet. It sits next to the EKG strip where she took her last breath. Maybe that is strange to some people, but grief is bizarre and makes you do seemingly strange things to outsiders. But that ticket and EKG strip are a reminder that you never know when your last breath is...and your only purpose is to serve the Lord while you are here. It's not about you.<br />
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I did get a chance to serve my mom her final few days here on Earth. I got to be with her as she left this world and entered Eternity. I had a chance to wash her feet and brush her hair. <b>I am <i>forever</i> thankful that God gave me that second chance to serve my mother. </b><br />
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This week, I watched my two girls practice their recital piece on stage.<br />
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It was brutal.<br />
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Just like the Mother's Day advertisements, it was a reminder that just when you think you are healing from this emotion of grief, you are still such a broken human being. God is so good in how He reveals himself when you are broken, but it doesn't change the fact that it is all so very painful. I've heard people say "grief is a journey, not a destination." It's so true. Time has made it easier to deal with the pain, but things like Mother's Day and ballet recitals will always be a reminder that my life was forever changed last May.<br />
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I stood behind the curtains and watched Ella dance to this song called "Glorious Unfolding". I had to hide my face behind the camera because the tears were getting too hard to hold back. The words to the song were just so applicable to where I am. Seeing those girls dance the emotions to the songs...it was just the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time. I hate that my mom will never see them dance again on this side of eternity.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Lay your head down tonight</i></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Take a rest from the fight</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Don’t try to figure it out</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart</span></i></div>
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‘Cause I know this is not</div>
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Anything like you thought</div>
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The story of your life was gonna be</div>
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And it feels like the end has started closing in on you</div>
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But it’s just not true</div>
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There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold</div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">And this is going to be a glorious unfolding</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Just you wait and see and you will be amazed</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over</span></i></div>
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So hold on to every promise God has made to us</div>
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And watch this glorious unfolding</div>
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Those words. </div>
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They make me weep. They make me weep because though my heart aches for Heaven, I know God still has so much left for me here in this temporary home. He has given us all the <b>gift of time</b> to use for His glory. It is such an honor <i>and gift</i> to be able to serve where God calls you. </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>God’s plan from the start</i></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">For this world and your heart</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Has been to show His glory and His grace</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of</span></i></div>
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His unfailing Love</div>
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<i>And the story has only begun</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>We were made to run through fields of forever</i></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Singing songs to our Savior and King</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">So let us remember this life we’re living</span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Is just the beginning of the beginning</i></span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So, while there are still days where grief sneaks in, I'm reminded of how much of my story He is still unfolding in front of my very eyes...even in that little girl in pink, who had low muscle tone and we thought may never walk...</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy_6aXx9_2BwdIIn3BDIUshH7XrNv-3OvoSeaDRrAwe0t7o_oNXA-2Rul79hLCSdk71oJHb-elnmuKwVDumfft_SoCaEH40E3SLpdvJuUgteII5d4b963dZmu6gCYLXWzg3EcftdscsZ4/s1600/B30A2374.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy_6aXx9_2BwdIIn3BDIUshH7XrNv-3OvoSeaDRrAwe0t7o_oNXA-2Rul79hLCSdk71oJHb-elnmuKwVDumfft_SoCaEH40E3SLpdvJuUgteII5d4b963dZmu6gCYLXWzg3EcftdscsZ4/s1600/B30A2374.jpg" height="320" width="178" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of God's many miracles! </td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Not only does she walk, but she runs and dances and leaps and can stand on those little toes so perfectly. Speaking of miracles, I just spent two weeks with my dad and Europe and he climbed every step of the Arc de Triomphe where we watched the sunset over the entire city. While those on the ground could only see the beauty from their small view, I got to watch the sunset in all its beauty over Paris. I wonder if that is how Heaven will be? We see such tiny glimpses here to give us hope. How marvelous will it be when we see God in all His Glory! Moses wanted it...but God basically told him he couldn't handle it yet. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0JQTvsDGbrhsfubEd1QHTx0dw-dnVHSblpJyPEs33hK7YRlN4whkGi8eM8ynyvsEbw5CCXKsrkxJGs_VNsbBb7ByKv3SWaDT27X0op0OboT15tQUIyRMn9b2QQf-Op2RekGUbf9exUBI/s1600/B30A1348.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0JQTvsDGbrhsfubEd1QHTx0dw-dnVHSblpJyPEs33hK7YRlN4whkGi8eM8ynyvsEbw5CCXKsrkxJGs_VNsbBb7ByKv3SWaDT27X0op0OboT15tQUIyRMn9b2QQf-Op2RekGUbf9exUBI/s1600/B30A1348.jpg" height="320" width="190" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Sometimes I feel beyond joyful when thinking of my mom seeing God in all His Glory. Her new body...I can't imagine her being more beautiful. She is friends with Moses, Noah, Mary, Esther...she's met them all by now. She sees the full story! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I think if my mom was able to whisper in my ear, she would say "Sarah, if only you could see what I see. Just keep your eyes forward on The Lord. Keep loving people and serving the Lord. Keep showing the world the love of Jesus. This world you are in is over in the blink of an eye. Go and live and love the hurting and the lost."</span><br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 22px;">If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Spending those two weeks with just my dad seeing the world...it was priceless. That<b> gift of time</b> with him is something I will hold onto for forever. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Time is so fleeting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Love and serve those around you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">At the end of the day, this<b> time </b>here on Earth is just temporary. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This Mother's Day, I will celebrate my mother. Death does not change that she was my mother. And I will still take her hot pink roses...but, they won't be placed in a vase on her dining room table. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And I will weep as I watch my daughters dance on stage: partly because I hurt knowing they will not remember my mother and partly because I am so overwhelmed by the beauty of God's hope and promise that He instills in my heart when it aches with grief. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And I will mourn all over again as I remember her on the 1st anniversary of her death on May 21st. But, I hold on to the promise that God has made for me (and you): that this<b> time</b> here on Earth is just the beginning of the beginning. </span><br />
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-38743081338731227412015-01-05T19:18:00.002-05:002015-01-05T19:18:28.606-05:00Christmas Wrap Up and Happy 2015My first holidays without my mother have come and gone and I feel a secret sigh of relief. We hurt and cried, but we survived and even had moments where we actually enjoyed these difficult holidays. One thing I learned about surviving your first holidays after a death (and still in the midst of grieving) is the importance of continuing traditions and bringing a few new ones to the table. It's so important to keep living! I hosted Christmas Eve and Christmas Day complete with our annual gingerbread making contest. The holidays are both sad and happy, but I'm hoping that as each year passes, it will be less sad and mostly just happy.<br />
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Here's a few pictures of our Holidays:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjD1yOtScmVBmvPa9jrpFspYGDKg1En2QwLTGn8hbiy6iUIFEAx4V_SKGbYlo6rrfLIDwvj4cuMUsXyVkxFKBzxYCt-U1WYvL0o5Pir8OgQaEIEPtV0h0n0WO_bAAyx1r1Iwp0s7M7sME/s1600/DSC_5831.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjD1yOtScmVBmvPa9jrpFspYGDKg1En2QwLTGn8hbiy6iUIFEAx4V_SKGbYlo6rrfLIDwvj4cuMUsXyVkxFKBzxYCt-U1WYvL0o5Pir8OgQaEIEPtV0h0n0WO_bAAyx1r1Iwp0s7M7sME/s1600/DSC_5831.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Three very excited little ones waiting to see Santa! </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGyGwLuinT4EyvqBS4PWNU4hikSPGFPy7By1Enku_A2i0M-fEo-9K3_DvfY60bv9LCG4ARSajUiH6qKThvIEthM0oDqv71dvcTjZ-bF7Y2rsQfcKyNPIo5DA78Mjrf8d1J0q2LXVfxk4g/s1600/12551820141220_0001_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGyGwLuinT4EyvqBS4PWNU4hikSPGFPy7By1Enku_A2i0M-fEo-9K3_DvfY60bv9LCG4ARSajUiH6qKThvIEthM0oDqv71dvcTjZ-bF7Y2rsQfcKyNPIo5DA78Mjrf8d1J0q2LXVfxk4g/s1600/12551820141220_0001_1.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We made it to see Santa the Saturday before Christmas. Miraculously, there was almost no line.</td></tr>
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I know people have various opinions on the Santa debate. We choose to spend the majority of our season talking about the birth of Christ, but we still enjoy a little magic of Santa. Santa does not generally bring our children lavish gifts. In fact, they are only allowed to ask for one sensible gift and any other requests are made to mommy and daddy. Luckily, our children have never presented us with some long list of demands...yet. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQOkd42HCusuwCVplHJfMpZ21Y1uQr9WpANJzFNfr7wQeUAmvnQulfIp-nKcOS-CgG1l0LpsnMrQsWH3v3VaQhDp42ynffNrdyoRimLAqPjRovAJ5HL2iZupnM6P067uBOT07mqw2DjA/s1600/DSC_5887.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQOkd42HCusuwCVplHJfMpZ21Y1uQr9WpANJzFNfr7wQeUAmvnQulfIp-nKcOS-CgG1l0LpsnMrQsWH3v3VaQhDp42ynffNrdyoRimLAqPjRovAJ5HL2iZupnM6P067uBOT07mqw2DjA/s1600/DSC_5887.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at our church: My absolute favorite tradition</td></tr>
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Here are a few pictures of my pretty table scape. I think it is quite lovely if I do say so myself. One of my New Year's resolutions is to use our fine china more often: to
stop saving all our "special dishes" or even "special outfits" for that
matter. If there is one thing I've learned in 2014 is that life is so
very short. Every day that you wake up is a special occasion! <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-8Bu0bA4rFsmpEbNwsPKPhOSnQWSjKHqD6JhGtF7sYIGERJsDAVBh10TpIfYiWp9vUvoIWnbVLR-rzBaVsQswMH4nu1EXjyueZeffGNBfFgSwfp0U2Fx_tyWPrq-TrX2eWpUuqrSb5bg/s1600/DSC_5874.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-8Bu0bA4rFsmpEbNwsPKPhOSnQWSjKHqD6JhGtF7sYIGERJsDAVBh10TpIfYiWp9vUvoIWnbVLR-rzBaVsQswMH4nu1EXjyueZeffGNBfFgSwfp0U2Fx_tyWPrq-TrX2eWpUuqrSb5bg/s1600/DSC_5874.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Complete with fresh garland and pine cones</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVg8MQTDjjF7C15J4hq_AroSKNzZEkAbYEv60RNodEu5hCkCrBDhyphenhyphenVzZqECeNyYGl1xwV6TVtLEF43CUj2WmEtsJ8ox6a3-WCdMw0bXLeBVJzN6D27biVI7Q5XZFTDzZfGI_-xF3WP10g/s1600/DSC_5882.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVg8MQTDjjF7C15J4hq_AroSKNzZEkAbYEv60RNodEu5hCkCrBDhyphenhyphenVzZqECeNyYGl1xwV6TVtLEF43CUj2WmEtsJ8ox6a3-WCdMw0bXLeBVJzN6D27biVI7Q5XZFTDzZfGI_-xF3WP10g/s1600/DSC_5882.jpg" height="320" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mommy's travel tree complete with an Eiffel Tower tree topper. The children had a live tree in the family room with their colored lights and homemade decor. But this tree is ALL MINE! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzY-MjxbOOVE6Y8b1YOWPyE_pdiC3e0XxjK_PJVS6-B6zgpWz4pkdK0d1dd-Q32tLDVgzq1JgYQED_iEjHw4dhdQpS0xtm0aztsJ8HcKAxAMQlW_s6Gh6RiVyNdPAL6ZOmM5kPz7qP1jo/s1600/DSC_5885.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzY-MjxbOOVE6Y8b1YOWPyE_pdiC3e0XxjK_PJVS6-B6zgpWz4pkdK0d1dd-Q32tLDVgzq1JgYQED_iEjHw4dhdQpS0xtm0aztsJ8HcKAxAMQlW_s6Gh6RiVyNdPAL6ZOmM5kPz7qP1jo/s1600/DSC_5885.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Andrew and I bought these Christmas dishes 12 years ago when we first got married. They are by Mikasa and called "Holiday Traditions". I just love them so much! I even pulled out the real crystal...because life is too short to eat on paper plates and drink out of red solo cups. </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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The garland on my table has a very sweet story that I have already shared with a few of you. I went to Home Depot two days before Christmas and asked a man if he had any tree scraps I could have. I explained I just needed a few to put on my table and mantel and didn't mind going through the trash. He asked me to follow him, which I did. After a couple minutes, he presents me with an actual Christmas tree. He said "this is my Christmas present to you. You don't need to go through the trash." I was a little confused at first and said "Are you serious? You're giving me this for free?" He replied that it wasn't a big deal because they were just going to throw them away and again said "this is my Christmas present to you." At this point, I have major tears in my eyes and told him he'll never know how much this meant to me. I told him it was my first Christmas without my mom and I had a child throwing up at home and I just wanted my house to look a little more festive. That act of kindness and the beauty the limbs made to my table and mantel were just what I needed: hope...a little bit of hope that there is still good in this world. You never know what little or big acts of kindness mean to someone. <br />
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Something new I did this year with the children was read the Christmas story out of the <i>Jesus Storybook Bible</i> in the morning. We've always read this in the past during the season, but this time I read it right before we opened gifts. Afterwards, we thanked The Lord for His many blessings He has given us this year. We also prayed that we would all have thankful hearts as we opened our gifts and that we would remember that this was a celebration of the birth of Jesus. This will definitely be a tradition we continue each year. I think it really did help them have good attitudes on Christmas morning. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-tXd1LLxuWU_QG8dQ9YeCrXOGoKAcDKeQ19KNdgYJilgKK9BEYzkPl6NGIcTD9YwYKdJq0wvp15kIvuWICvo2nnBSfZn5CQaVJCV5i1RSOmNbA864ODW0ewMDtSdIpuERCEcKu4V2fhg/s1600/DSC_5901.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-tXd1LLxuWU_QG8dQ9YeCrXOGoKAcDKeQ19KNdgYJilgKK9BEYzkPl6NGIcTD9YwYKdJq0wvp15kIvuWICvo2nnBSfZn5CQaVJCV5i1RSOmNbA864ODW0ewMDtSdIpuERCEcKu4V2fhg/s1600/DSC_5901.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Praying before opening gifts.</td></tr>
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New Years Eve, we headed to my dad's house to spend the night and celebrate the new year with him and my sisters family. We stayed up until almost 1am playing board games (just the adults and my sisters older kids of course). The next day we ate our black eyed peas and pork for good luck. Here's our attempt at our first family photo of 2015. Jacob has the 2, Ella the 0, Audrey the 1, and me the 5.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmnnG9HWj0vPKdeBuX7SxgwbS6_W0OXG4IVn5Bj_pidPyjf2PUQhN6RfHmL51Y1WGgsXUOt5U39_wEHXeaio53xoi4K4jbReCk4LK4-q72pciq-kHhBfSHoPBhFnGzRxQkVp-H7TPelFQ/s1600/DSC_5989.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmnnG9HWj0vPKdeBuX7SxgwbS6_W0OXG4IVn5Bj_pidPyjf2PUQhN6RfHmL51Y1WGgsXUOt5U39_wEHXeaio53xoi4K4jbReCk4LK4-q72pciq-kHhBfSHoPBhFnGzRxQkVp-H7TPelFQ/s1600/DSC_5989.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy 2015! Andrew wearing his Georgia Tech shirt with pride! Go Jackets! </td></tr>
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A New Year and the fresh start it brings has brought a little happiness to my heart and hope for a better year. Happy New Year to you all! May it be a year of living life to the fullest.<br />
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And in case you were wondering...less than 3 months until Paris! Le sigh...Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-50996122382774222002014-12-25T08:53:00.003-05:002014-12-25T08:53:58.351-05:00Dancing with Jesus on Christmas<br />
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These days I often find myself walking outside at night, staring up at the few stars I can see and wondering if God lets those in Heaven take a glimpse at those they love still on Earth. Both literally and figuratively in the darkest of hours, I search and cling to the only hope we all have...the promise of Heaven for those who love the Lord. He says he is near to the brokenhearted and I can attest that His words are so true. He takes your pain and leads you to the cross. It is the beauty amongst the heartache. <br />When the walls of our home went up during the same week as the crazy Atlanta snow storm of 2014, perhaps we should have taken that premonition as to what 2014 was to look like for our family. That snowstorm was just the start of the torrential downpour that would happen over this year. Andrew slaved away after work each night working on our new home through the summer. The same week that we were moving and packing (and realizing our house was not ready for us to live in), my mother unexpectedly went into the hospital and passed away 4 days later. My dad called me that first night to tell me of my mothers condition as I was on my way home from our dress rehearsal for Ella’s ballet recital. The next day, I showed my mother (during her last lucid moment) a video of her beautiful granddaughter dancing on stage. I cried showing it to her because I knew in my heart that it would be the last dance she saw on Earth before she went to dance with Jesus. I have no doubt she will be dancing with Jesus when they celebrate His birthday this week: for she loved her Savior and He loved her. <br />In God’s perfect timing and tenderness, the children and I went to live with my dad for a month while Andrew continued to work until the wee hours of the night. In the midst of our heartache, we praised God for this truly precious month with my father. It proved to be just what we all needed during those early weeks of grieving and transitioning: a place of refuge and rest, a safe place to lay my burdens down. Our lives are forever changed, and we yearn for Heaven! <br />This season, I reflect on Christmases past and see the Lord has never forsaken us in our weakness. I think about those years we prayed for just one baby, about birthing twins at only 28 weeks, etc...and now I look at my mantel with five stockings and little fingerprints on everything. God has been so gracious and generous to our family. I can look back on these hard times and see that He went before us and never left us. The void of being motherless can never be filled except through Him. Just like He did not leave my womb barren, He has adopted me as His child and I am not alone...and He will always be enough. <br />We are soaking in these years with our “little” children. We know that they are only on loan to us and that they truly belong to Him. Ella, the baby we thought we’d never have, has grown to be the loveliest first grader and little ballerina. We truly feel touched watching God transform her heart as she seeks to know Him more. What more could we ever desire as her Earthly parents? We are so blessed. And those 28 week preemies? They are now energetic and lively four year olds. Audrey is enjoying taking her first year of ballet while Jacob had his first season of soccer. <br /><br />Thank you, our friends and family, for loving us when we needed love, for being silent when I just needed to weep, and for stepping in when we just needed a hand. We can never repay you for your kindness, but we thank God for you every day. Merry Christmas! <br /><br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-30727763084157600962014-11-27T23:05:00.001-05:002014-11-27T23:05:22.054-05:00Gratitude: through a child's eyesOn this first holiday without my mother, God continues to be so good to our family. No doubt her absence was very much felt, but the traditions that we continue to embrace make these difficult days a little sweeter: making her favorite dishes, spending time with my grandfather (her father), etc...I realize now why traditions are so important.<br />
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I won't lie. Suddenly, the holiday season does seem less merry. However, I am thankful for all that God has taught me through the ache. In many ways, I feel like I am walking with my eyes a little more open: grasping for beauty when the days are hard.<br />
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Today, I am writing over at my favorite online boutique store called Sweet Praises and sharing a small bit of beauty that God has opened my eyes to recently. I hope you enjoy this season of thanksgiving and continue to focus on what is most important as we enter into the season of advent.<br />
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<a href="http://www.mrsshawnanderson.com/2014/11/thanksgiving-thoughts-from-sarah.html">Click here to read the full article</a>. I hope it will bless you on this day of Thanksgiving!<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-40616761110711109412014-11-03T21:20:00.000-05:002014-11-03T21:20:00.582-05:00Friends are like Puzzle PiecesI've sat here tapping on my computer for more hours than I care to admit. I was awake until 2am last night (for the third night in a row) recapping this past weeks events as well as marveling at the amount of Godly people God has put in my path the past 16 or so years.<br />
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I am in yet another season of change. Although no one can replace true friends who have supported you through the good, bad, and ugly, moving to the other side of town has sort of forced me to find new friends who live day to day life with me. I am overwhelmed by the friendships the Lord immediately put in my life immediately after moving...it was something Andrew and I both prayed for daily for ourselves and especially for me. I once read that friends are like puzzle pieces. I think that quote originally was meant to be interpreted as each friend in your life plays an important part of who you are and each part plays a part in making you whole. After reflecting on friends from childhood, to college and now through adulthood, I would agree that each person is a piece of a puzzle in my life. <br />
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Friendships that have <b><i>value</i></b> transcend time. This past week was proof of that as many of us gathered stricken with heartache and anguish as we sang and prayed at a vigil...what would be a sweet and dear young lady's last worship service here on Earth. Our hearts were full of sorrow as we watched her sweet young boys watch from the windows of their bedrooms and our lips trembled with sadness while thinking of her beloved husband whose pain we cannot even fathom.<br />
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Both the vigil and the funeral were a glimpse of Heaven (minus the tears). The gathering of dear friends, many of whom we have not seen in 14 years, made me forget for a moment that I was grieving<b><i> and instead made me feel as if I had arrived home.</i></b> Still recovering from the recent death of my mother, this gathering of believers was <i>such</i> a gift for me. Our college campus minister spoke of our sweet friend and how she must be loving meeting all the great warriors for Christ: Moses, Noah, David. I had never really thought about that before. Sometimes we are so caught up in our own hurt, we forget that Heaven is so amazing. I felt so much comfort thinking of how both my mother and now sweet Ashley must be standing in awe worshiping alongside those we have read about in the Bible. Both Ashley and my mother loved the lake, so I like to imagine the Lord made them neighbors in Heaven. Both super chatty, I'm sure they won't run out of things to talk about until we see them again. <br />
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But now what? What do you do when a piece of your puzzle is gone? This is something I'm still working through. I don't know the answer, but I do know one thing...you keep living.<br />
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After our friends funeral, many of us gathered for drinks and food and reminisced about the good ole days...those days of college where your responsibilities are few, but laughter is in abundance. Sharing old stories and laughing was the hugest release of grief that has been weighing me down these past few months. I sat next to the loveliest of young ladies who also lost a parent recently and we laughed. <i>And it felt good</i>. It felt good because I realized that although pieces of my puzzle are missing and my life here on Earth will never be the same,<i> it is OK to keep on living</i>. <br />
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The closer Thanksgiving and Christmas approach, I admit my heart has been full of dread. What was once my favorite time of the year (and by love..I mean we start watching Christmas movies and decorating right after Halloween) has become a season I just wanted to pretend isn't happening. I think C. S. Lewis said it best when he said:<br />
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<b>"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."</b></div>
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It is true. I feel overwhelmed thinking that grief never ends, but I know it changes and becomes more bearable. And admittedly, I have shaken my fist at God saying "it is one thing for you to take my mother. By why would you take a mother (Ashley) away from her children who are not even grown?" </div>
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Yesterday, Andrew and I went to my <strike>parents</strike> dad's house to return his truck. Walking in that house full of old memories is always bittersweet. I found myself once again sitting on her side of the bed and thinking about how my father said the hardest part of his day is waking up each morning and not seeing her laying right there. I open her nightstand. I don't even know why...I just needed to see her things...to not forget her and her five thousand tubes of chapstick she kept in that drawer. I pull out a notebook and find this scribbled note in her cursive writing. It read:</div>
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<i>Then one day she slipped away. As he stood by her grave with much sorrow in his heart and tears in his eyes, the Lord reminded him she was by His side right now. He reminded him that one day, he would slip away and be with his beloved. </i></div>
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I have searched the Internet backwards and forwards trying to find where my mom heard this. Was it something she wrote? When, where, why did she write it? (I'd love to know if anyone has heard this quote and where it is from). My mother was many things, but a writer she was not. But seeing her written words were still so beautiful nevertheless. </div>
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That afternoon after searching my dad's basement high and low, I came home with an old and broken nativity scene from my childhood. I put it on my kitchen windowsill to remind myself that, although a piece of my puzzle is missing much like that nativity scene, it is OK to keep on living. The next morning Andrew and I listened to Christmas music as we folded laundry together and we watched "The Holiday" later that night. </div>
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I think our friend Lori said it best the day of the funeral when she said "There is strength in numbers- today a group of old friends held each
other up in a time of sorrow. And then we smiled and shared precious
memories... Until we meet again..."</div>
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More than ever I have realized the importance of relationships. The strength that comes from friends who both grieve, laugh, and live life with you all form the puzzle of your life. They are perhaps the most important parts of your puzzle. And not just this life here on Earth,<i><b> but they are part of your life in eternity. </b></i>I can only imagine what that reunion will look like. But the glimpse I saw and felt this past week makes me yearn for Heaven even more.<br />
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But until then...We keep living. We keep lifting each other up, laughing and crying through this crazy world...until we all meet again...</div>
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-65979818020737651202014-08-19T22:06:00.001-04:002014-08-19T22:06:53.089-04:00And then she sighedMy baby girl started first grade last week. I gave birth to her just a few weeks ago (right?) and already she is school aged. She was in a rush to make her debut in the world, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised she has been in a rush to grow up. Everyone talks about growing pains, but no one said the only one who would feel the hurt of it would be the parents. This growing up stuff is no joke. You feel so proud and so sad all at the same time. You know how some people are jumping up and down when that school bus comes down their street??...I am not one of them. No judgement, no judgement. I'm pretty sure when the twins turn comes to go to school, I will be singing the Hallelujah chorus. (I kid...sort of...ahem.) But that firstborn girl of mine...I just want to bottle up her innocence and keep her 6 years old for forever. <br />
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We are so fortunate to be able to send Ella to a very sweet and wonderful Christ loving school that we feel like will be both a good fit for her as a student and us as the parents. She still only goes half days (8-12), which is such a sweet blessing to this hurting heart of mine. She can be such a ray of sunshine on those days when I'm missing my mama so very, very much...which is pretty much every hour of the day. The friends we have already made through the school...the outpouring of love from people who don't even know of my mom's recent passing...it's just been such a gift from the Lord.<br />
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I had a dream about my mama the other night. It was the second night in a row I have dreamed about her. Sadly, it wasn't this Hollywood version where you wake up and feel happy. They were sad dreams. Each dream she walked around in this fuchsia dress that she wore in my sisters wedding. She didn't say anything, she was just walking around and then she died. Both nights I had these weird dreams about seeing her body in a casket, but it was not the funeral she had in real life. It was just...weird. Not comforting at all. So, the past two days I've woken up just feeling really awful. Where are these sweet dreams that people have where their loved one comes back and say "you are going to be OK. Or I love you. Or anything happy"...but not reliving her funeral? <br />
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This morning I was so frustrated trying to put together a chandelier in this never ending construction zone we live in and just sobbed. And sobbed and sobbed. I dropped a crystal and it shattered into a million pieces. So there I sat on the top of a ladder with two toddlers staring at me from outside the room wondering what all the commotion was about. I look at my little boy who looks down at the box and starts handing me one crystal at a time and says "mommy, I help you. Don't cry. I help you."<br />
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And he and Audrey both did. They each took turns handing me crystals and I hung them where they needed to go. My focus changed from my mom to thinking about how these two little miracles will be 4 years old in just 11 more days. I thought about those those 3 months in the NICU, about watching 3 nurses do CPR on my little girl, about how the doctor told me she didn't know if I was going to be able to carry them long enough for them to survive. I thought about those months where we worried Audrey might have cerebral palsy and "would she ever walk"? And those years of worrying if Jacob would learn to talk well?<br />
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"Mommy, do you want a little crystal or a big crystal next?"<br />
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He talks. She walks. They are alive and well. And I have a first grader too!!...the baby who we prayed for for a really long time. My womb that God did not leave barren. <br />
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And I sighed.<br />
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That sigh that you release when your body is so built up with sorrow and pain. That sigh that says "I'm broken, but I'm going to be OK." That sigh that says "man, this life can be so very hard. But God has done miraculous things in my life. And He is good." <br />
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Sometimes in the midst of this grief, I have to look at old photos and remind myself of how much He has done for me. It will be difficult to celebrate these two miracle's birthday in a few days without her there. Normally she would call me at least 14 times to double check that she got exactly the right present. And then she would tell me some dramatic story about going to 4 different stores to find the best deal on it. My mom never quite embraced the beauty of amazon prime! And then she'd tell me "while I was there, you'll never believe what I found on the sales rack."I have a closet full of her dollar store finds!<br />
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On Thursday, it will be 3 months since we said goodbye to my mother. I often wonder what her new body looks like. She was so beautiful before, how could God have made anything more beautiful?<br />
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I read something the other day that said "Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of
love."<br />
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No person can ever replace the love of my mother. But, I am so thankful for these 3 little ones that God has loaned me that help me take a deep breath and sigh when the pain is too much. Never have I been more thankful for my three babies. Looking at that picture above is such a sweet reminder that He is good and He is faithful. <br />
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-74938336868738659242014-08-07T16:45:00.002-04:002014-08-07T16:52:25.723-04:00Grief: The torrential downpour, the grey clouds, & the patch of blue skies<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span class="text Matt-5-4" id="en-NIV-23239"><span class="woj">Blessed are those who mourn,</span></span></i><span class="indent-1"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span></i><span class="text Matt-5-4"><span class="woj"><i>for they will be comforted</i>.</span></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Matt-5-4"><span class="woj">Matthew 5:4 (NIV) </span></span></span></b></div>
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The two months of living without my mother has come and gone. I keep waiting for that phone call as my mind is still in a state of disbelief, but the more that time passes the more I feel the permanency of her absence. I spent the July 4th weekend at my parents lake house and watched my kids enjoy themselves thoroughly. It was wonderful and it hurt all in the same breath. It hurt because the thing my mother enjoyed most was the lake. In recent years, she had finally convinced my dad to add on to the house so that there was space for all the grandchildren. I had not yet taken the twins out there until this past weekend and I felt both mad at myself and mad at the world that my mom never got to see all 5 grandchildren up there together at the same time. Yet, I also felt like we were honoring her by fulfilling her wish. Grief...it's such a bizarre emotion.<br />
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It's always hard to know what to say when someone asks "how are you doing?" Before I go off on a tangent, let me say that I'd rather someone at least ask than to say nothing at all to me. Don't be afraid to ask the bereaved how they are doing...don't be afraid of saying something "dumb". Asking how the bereaved are doing is a totally fine question to ask...the only thing is that that question is multifaceted; it is an ever changing emotion from one second to the next. It's not "one day at a time" for me...it's still "one hour at a time". So my response totally varies throughout the day. Overall how am I doing? I'm just going to be honest...I feel broken. I feel sad all day every day. Some days are worse than others, but every day is still hard. <br />
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I am sure grief looks different for everyone depending on the circumstances. Although my mother had been sick, her death was very unexpected and very quick. It was not tragic in the sense of an instant car crash death, but it was tragic in that it caught us off guard those last few days. We didn't know that was how it would end until 48 hours before she passed away. Every day between 2 and 3pm, I really struggle because those were the moments of her last breaths and the images are still so vivid in my mind. After seeing my grandfather this weekend (this is my mother's father), who is 94 years old and just lost his wife 2 months prior to my mom's death, I almost felt like my grief intensified a little. Hearing him say that he "begged God not to take his daughter, but to take him instead."...y'all...it just shattered the little bit of heart I had left into a million pieces. Parents shouldn't have to bury their children no matter how old that child is. <br />
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It's all still really, really raw.<br />
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As we were traveling the month of July, we at one point were driving in some really terrible weather. It was an absolute torrential downpour...the kind of rain where you cannot see at all, but you can't pull over either...you just have to very, very slowly and prayerfully move ahead. And I got to thinking that that is very much what these early stages of grief are like. I can't speak for all, but my couple of friends who have lost a parent at a young(ish) age I'm sure would agree. You can't pull over...you have to keep moving. But it is so hard and you can't see ahead, but you are trusting that God will get you through. You are scared and anxious, but you can feel every once in awhile this overwhelming peace from the Lord reminding you that His hands are on the steering wheel with you...that He is going to help you.<br />
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And eventually as you are driving, the rain slows. You can see again, but there are still these sudden bursts of rain that slow you down. These are the months after some of the shock has worn off. You know eventually you'll see blue skies again and you are keeping your eyes peeled for those patches of blue skies, but you're still driving in the rain. <i>This is where I am folks</i>.<br />
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I've survived the torrential downpour, but I'm still driving in grey skies that are trickling rain...and some days there are those quick bursts of heavy rain that come out of nowhere. It's those moments where you feel like you regressed in your grief, but you haven't. It's just that something special has happened that my mother didn't get to be a part of and that pain is really sharp. But the rain is still there...I still cry everyday...it still hurts way more than I can ever really even begin to explain. <br />
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I have faith that with my grief that I will eventually see the blue skies again. I know that there will always be rainy days for the rest of my life. That will never stop. But, I am on my knees daily asking for God to help me see the blue skies. <b>I know I will</b>. <i><b>I know because I know that God is still good</b></i>. I'm just not there yet. I still get up and shower and do my best to care for my little ones. I still get out of the house some...I don't enjoy it much...but, I do it. I still laugh and smile. Those times that you laugh and forget your pain for a moment...they are so precious. <br />
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But the physical ache is still there. The grey skies. The dark cloud that you just can't seem to quite get through. I feel like I am failing my kids miserably. I lost my biggest cheerleader. My mom, no matter how rotten my children might be behaving, she ALWAYS told me I was an awesome mom. She was such an encourager. She told me many times over the past few years that there was no way she could parent children so close in age the way I have and that she was so proud of the mother I had become. She NEVER criticized my parenting. <br />
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But my cheerleader is gone and I feel a little...lost. And I know my grief affects my kids and I hate that. I just pray every day that they will one day understand and that they will forgive me for my short temper. <br />
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I know that there are blue skies ahead. I sat and watched the ocean waves roll back in and out this summer and my heart did very much the same. I sat and watched Ella and Jacob play in the waves, while Audrey stood behind me singing and playing with my hair. Her song:<br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">"And I will call upon Your name<br /> And keep my eyes above the waves<br /> When oceans rise<br /> My soul will rest in Your embrace<br /> For I am Yours and You are mine"</span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">I'm sure in her mind, she was just singing a song about the ocean that she has heard many times. But for me, it was a reminder of the day I played that song for my mother while she was dying. And I know God was using that little girl to sing truth back into my heart. That He is right here. And that my mother is right there with Him.</span></div>
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Grief is like the weather. It's very unpredictable and it is always changing. You are never done grieving from what I've heard from the few who have walked this road ahead of me. But I know I serve a God who is near to the brokenhearted. A friend reminded me that death was never part of God's plan. I had not really thought about that until she said that and it brought me great comfort. Death grieved our Father...that is why He sent his son...to overcome it.<br />
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And that my friend's isn't the blue skies...that's the rainbow.<br />
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<i><span class="text Ps-147-3" id="en-NIV-16355">"He heals the brokenhearted</span></i><span class="indent-1"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span></i><span class="text Ps-147-3"><i>and binds up their wounds</i>". Psalm 147:3</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-147-3">I pray too that you will forgive me for not being a good friend. God has a million shattered pieces to sew back together and it's going to take a long time. I miss her so very, very much. Thank you for loving me despite my messy life. </span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-147-3"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-147-3">He is still so good...even in the rain. </span></span></div>
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-91337826031154170592014-06-17T16:23:00.002-04:002014-06-17T16:23:28.688-04:00Motherless Mother: a season of deep griefThere has been a lot of silence on this blog, my creative outlet. I had many posts started and saved the past few months about selling our house, building our new house (which still isn't finished), etc. but those will take a back seat for now.<br />
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Just as things seemed to finally be falling into place in my little family's life (things we have been waiting and praying over for several years), my life took a very <i>unexpected</i>, tragic turn. <br />
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On May 21st at 2:18pm, my life was forever altered when I (and my siblings and father) held my mother's hand as she took her final breath. On that day, just three weeks ago, <i><b>I became a motherless mother</b></i>.<br />
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To say that the grief my heart and soul feels is exceedingly painful is an understatement, but I could not think of another adjective to convey otherwise. The pain can almost be paralyzing at times, but every morning I know I have to choose to get out of bed, take care of my three little ones who are so very innocent and naive to it all, and continue to live my life to its absolute fullest.<br />
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I will keep the details very vague, but I know people are naturally curious and concerned. My mother had been sick for some time now, however, we thought she was getting better. She had been undergoing a process for the past almost year to actually get her ready for an organ transplant. Being a transplant recipient does not immediately put you at the top of the list. They basically get you ready so that when your score is high enough...meaning you are sick enough...that is when you get the pager and officially wait on your turn. She was only in her early 60's, so it all seemed very hopeful. <br />
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We knew in February after her last hospital stay that she was getting closer to hopefully getting the pager and getting the call. It seemed like things were progressing as she was getting sicker...the irony, right? You don't want the person to get sicker, but you know they have to in order to get the transplant. It really is such an awful and agonizing thing.<br />
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In early May, she found herself back in the hospital again, this being her worst yet. After two weeks, she was stable and able to come home. I saw her on Mother's Day and this would be the last time I saw her at home. The following weekend, my dad called to tell me that they would not be able to go to Ella's dance recital because mom had become very lethargic and confused. That was May 17th and she passed away 4 days later.<br />
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In short, all her organs suddenly began to fail and all her clotting factors were out of control. Her lungs were filling with fluid, but they could not drain the fluid because she would have bled to death if they tried. We spent the next few days all at her bedside while they filled her body with as many blood products as they could, but it was not really bringing her levels up at all. She wouldn't survive a transplant. She fought hard and we fought hard, but ultimately that was not God's plan for her. My mom was terrified to have the transplant and really never wanted it to begin with. As painful as it all is, I know that God was merciful and loving by not having her go through something she never wanted. It's very hard to write those words, but after reading her journal about her fears in regards to the transplant, I have to believe that God <b><i>lovingly</i></b> took her in a way that she would have wanted.<br />
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We know that God was present and showed us His mercy by allowing our whole family (my dad, my brother, my sister, and myself and my mother) to be together during her final days. <i><b>She was with us children as we all took our first breaths and we were all there to hold her hands as she took her last</b></i>. We listened as our father, who had been married to our mother for almost 44 years, whisper a thousand <i>I love you's</i> in her ear. From the day they entered the hospital until the day she went to be with Jesus, my father never stopped holding her hand. Together, as a family, we were able to pray over her and hold hands together as she left her earthly body. We were able to rub her feet, brush her hair, and kiss her cheeks as she got ready to leave us. It was painful and beautiful all in the same breath...and how those two emotions can coexist, I do not know. But The Lord, in His perfect orchestration, made that possible.<br />
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There was one moment the day before she passed away when my mom was agitated, yet no longer verbal. My sister began to quietly sing mother's favorite hymns to her. She instantly settled down. When my sister stopped, my dad asked my mother "do you want to hear more music?" and Mom said "Mmm Hmm!!!" It was so calming to her. Seeing that she was comforted by music about her Savior was really beautiful.<br />
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There is so much I'd love to share about God's presence those days before and immediately after, but I will write them when I feel like I can relive them for a moment.<br />
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As positive and eloquent as you may find my words, my life is anything but that now. The truth is that my mother died too young and in a very sensitive time of my life. My remaining grandmother having just passed away two months prior, I am now left with no grandmothers <i>and</i> no mother. I am a mother with no mother...a motherless mother...and my heart physically just aches for her. I have always been a very happy and pollyanna-ish girl and I am now just muddling through life. I know there is no quick way to bypass my grief; I know that the only way to find that joy again is allow myself to grieve fully and experience the intense emotion. And in the same breath, I know that I am forever changed...that life will always look different to me now. <br />
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My heart aches for heaven. I think about my mom every moment, every second of my day. It is all consuming. And although I know this is normal, there is no way one can understand unless they have walked this road. The myth you have heard about "getting through the first year" is just that: a myth. There is no magical number that will make the pain stop. The pain and ache never goes away, you just learn how to live with it from what I've been told by a few friends who are also part of "this club": the club you never wanted to join. My brother's sweet girlfriend, who lost her own mother a few years ago, said "the pain is still there, but it gets less sharp." I cling to that hope...the day that I think of mom and just smile and not feel like my heart is completely broken. <br />
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God has been merciful to allow me to live with my dad while our new house is being finished. We literally had to move out of our old house just days after my mother's death. It has been so comforting to be with him as we navigate this together. I am nervous about moving and Ella starting a new school, me having to make new friends in a new part of town, and just all the transition that is going on. Those things are good things, but nevertheless, change is always hard even when it is good. (Could you please pray for God to bring good friends for both Ella and myself when we move? We are not moving that far, but far enough that people in my day to day life will change.)<br />
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I am so thankful that this is not our home...that we are merely passing through. I am thankful for the gift of my children who comfort me without even knowing it. I am thankful for the friends and people who aren't afraid to reach out in the midst of this hard season for me; they aren't afraid of the tears and they don't diminish my pain. Thank you for loving me and for being sensitive to my heart right now and in the many months that follow. I know that God is near the brokenhearted. Our God is still so very, very good. Like my dad said the other night:<br />
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"Sarah, I could sit and feel lost as to how am I supposed to live my life without your mother for the remainder of my days. You see, I'm the man...I should have gone first. But then I think how lucky I was to have someone like your mama who loved me for almost 44 years and I just feel so blessed. I know I'm going to be very lonely, but I also know I was so lucky to have her all these years. God has been good to me."</div>
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Good indeed. He is still so very, <i>very</i> good. <br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-34478754019336817802014-01-04T17:26:00.004-05:002014-01-04T17:26:56.287-05:00The Magical World of DisneyThis past November, we took our 3 little loves to the happiest place on Earth: Walt Disney World. Before this trip, I honestly rolled my eyes at those who took yearly trips here. Being a bit of a vacation snob, I just couldn't understand why people would blow so much money on Disney.<br />
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However, all biases aside, we had been wanting to take our little ones to this magical place during a time when they are obsessed with everything Princess, Mickey Mouse, and Peter Pan related. We had enough free hotel points to stay close by for 3 nights/2 days, so this Fall it was!<br />
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And from the moment we stepped in front of the infamous Cinderella's castle, I immediately understood the obsession with Disney...it truly was completely magical. Incredibly hard work with 3 small children? YES! Worth it? Yes...a million times yes. We only spent 2 days at the Magic Kingdom and didn't venture into other parks, which was honestly about all we could handle with just us two adults. I am so glad we were able to take the kids during this age of make believe and innocence. For them, this truly was the place the Princesses live and Tinkerbell flies in the sky.<br />
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This was out first real family vacation. We've tagged along during the summer for Andrew's conferences at the beach, yes, but this was our first vacation we had to actually pay for.<br />
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Here is just a very small look into our magical vacation:<br />
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I hope you all have a very magical 2014! And if you are wondering if Disney is worth all the hype, I highly recommend a 2 day trip like ours. you won't regret it! Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-2660215870789526242013-11-05T22:59:00.004-05:002013-11-05T22:59:53.175-05:00Thanking God that His mercies are new every morning: 30 days of a Thankful Heart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I was all ready to write my post dedicated to my one and only little boy who I lovingly refer to as my boyfriend. <br />
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But y'all...this sweet boy has temporarily been taken over by some demonic force. He has just been all out of sorts the past couple days. Now, all my kids have their moments. But, this boy has been extra all sorts of crazy foolish behavior. I thought yesterday was bad when he refused to get up off the library floor (meanwhile the girls are already halfway out the door). I bend up to pull him up and drag him out the door and he pulls that whole "go limp" thing toddlers just love to do when you are in public, causing me to drop all 15 books in my hands causing a really nice production for the onlookers. I temporarily leave my screaming son and 15 scattered books to chase the girls down before they start walking in the parking lot. I sit the girls by the door while I deal with this ridiculous scene we have now started. Finally some old man took pity on my pathetic self and carried my 15 books for me out to the car while I carried a kicking and screaming boy out to the van.<br />
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It was not pretty. Did I mention he pooped in his underwear FOUR times yesterday? Yeah, that was fun too.<br />
<br />I had high hopes for today. I prayed extra hard for a semi-normal day. I prayed for God to show me what it was I was missing and how to help my son through whatever is going on with him.<br />
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But, it was pretty much Groundhog's Day over here...wash, rinse, repeat if you will. This time refusing to go with his speech therapist to her classroom. He has NEVER done that! He caused such a scene. I had to go back with him and Audrey and sit in the back in a corner for the entire hour. He was fine at therapy, but he would occassionaly turn his head around and make sure I was still there. They really frown upon that by the way...parents aren't so supposed to be in the room. Ask me if I care though. <br />
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And then the whining that I won't let him listen to "It's a Holly Jolly Christmas" more than 3 times in a row. I just can't...after the third time, I'm not feeling jolly anymore...it's time to move onto some <i>Jingle Bells</i> or <i>Santa Clause is Coming to Town</i>...I mean anything.<br />
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Today he pooped in his underwear Three times and in the toilet once. So, I guess from that perspective you could say today was a little better. Not really though...<br />
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Bless Him! ...actually, bless ME!!<br />
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Tomorrow is a new day. I have hope that we will wake up with a new perspective. I know underneath this nonsense is my sweetheart boy.<br />
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Thank you Lord that your mercies are new every morning! <br />
<br /><br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-19265211939930932842013-11-03T00:14:00.000-04:002013-11-04T00:15:18.158-05:00Thank Heaven for little girls: 30 days of a Thankful HeartI love my children all the same. They each have their own special and unique qualities that totally captivate me. While I feel responsible for each of their upbringings, I do feel an extra responsibility towards my girls. Not to sound so anti-feminist, but I do feel it is my job as a female to lead them in their identity/social roles as females...how to act like a lady, modesty, how to run a home, etc. They are at an age (especially Ella), where they imitate all that I do. It is flattering and TERRIFYING in the same breath. They are already, at this young age, identifying with me more. Yes, Andrew's role is HUGE in the their lives as well, but it's just different than mine.<br />
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<i><b>So today during my 30 days of a Thankful Heart series, I am thankful for God giving me these two precious girls to be a role model for. </b></i>(<i>Don't worry Jacob, your post will come tomorrow!!)</i><br />
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Andrew and I refer to them as our Jane and Elizabeth Bennett characters from <i>Pride and Prejudice.</i> Both equal in physical beauty, yet their spirits are so different. Ella is our Jane: She is ridiculously beautiful, kind and shy, compassionate, and more reserved. Audrey is our Elizabeth: equally as beautiful, yet much more spirited. She stands up for herself and is quick to vocalize her opinions. It has been challenging for me to know how to mother these two different personalities. Ella is more like Andrew and Audrey is more like myself. I have already had to learn to embrace the fact that Ella's shyness is not a negative thing...it is a wonderful thing, yet it is challenging to help her feel confident in herself. Her meek spirit keeps her out of trouble. She is the one who I doubt I will ever have to worry about behavior in school. I do sort of dislike the label of being "shy". She's not antisocial...just more of an observer. However, her sensitivity has challenged me. Her sensitivity makes her so compassionate towards others, but it also means we deal with a lot of tears. People hurt her feelings very easily. I hate that for her...but, I also know that this is who God created her to be. And the world could certainly use those who feel deeply and love deeply. <br />
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And then there is Audrey. Oh dear! She is so sweet, yet has a mind of her own. She is definitely the same as I was as a young girl and still am in many ways today. I don't want to tame Audrey's zest for life and her free spirit. Her free spirit has enabled her to be the most self entertained of the 3 of my children. She could play with princess figurines for hours happily on her own. She is self driven...the clash, however, is when her drive goes against what I need her to do. I know her desire to be completely independent will be a wonderful quality later in life. That girl will stand up to a bully...I see her daily stand up for any injustice her siblings have imposed upon her (ie-taking a toy she is playing with). My parents will often remind me that I was their only child that "talked back". I was a very good arguer when I felt like I was not being treated fairly. I want Audrey to be a strong woman and embrace that amazing will and drive she has in a positive way. She'll probably be President of the Student Body one day. And just like the world needs compassionate females like Ella, the world will also need people who stand firm and strong on their beliefs in the Lord. My prayer for her (and both girls really) is to stand strong for the Lord and lead others to Him with her spunky personality! <br />
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<i><b>I am thankful that these two girls challenge me to be a better woman myself.</b></i> Yes they challenge me as a mother in my role of leading them, but they also have taught me a lot about myself along the way. Children are amazing in how they can reveal your own sin in your life. My prayers lately have been for God to show me the Godly woman He desires for me to be...because I know I have little eyes that are watching and imitating and ears that are listening and repeating.<br />
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Thank you Lord for using those two girls to help shape me and mold me into the woman I know you desire me to be. I am in awe of how children of such a young age can be used for God's glory. We spend so much time thinking of how to teach them...and upon reflection, perhaps it's really them who lead us to the Lord and help us become more like Him. It is an honor to be the mother of these two little ladies. Thank you Lord for using these girls to lead me to be more like you! Thank Heaven for little girls!<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-78406444322806427752013-11-02T16:47:00.000-04:002013-11-02T21:09:32.545-04:00What mother's want : 30 days of a Thankful HeartIt is a common thing, a<b> </b><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">cliché if you will, to do these "30 days of Thanksgiving" during the month of November on your Blog, your Facebook status, or whatever your social media outlet is. Always going against the grain, I'm usually slow to join in on these things, but I've changed my attitude on this one. For one, it is not a bad thing to focus daily on the many blessings our Lord has bestowed on me and my family. It's not about "bragging", but us having a heart of gratitude. If anything, my heart could use some practice on reflecting on such things. And secondly, I always genuinely enjoy reading others proclamations of gratitude, so why not share mine with the world as well.</span><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">However, rather than a simple status update, I am going to elaborate on my thankfulness. It would be so easy, for example, to say "I am thankful for my husband"...but, wouldn't it be better if I explained just how amazing he is? I believe so! So here goes...my 30 day series of a Thankful Heart...OK, make that 29 days because I missed the first day of November (see...I told you I always "go against the grain"! hehehe)</span><br />
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<i><b><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Today
(and always), I am so thankful for other mommies who encourage me and
continue to lift me up.</span></b></i><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">We live in a world with many strong opinions. Although that isn't always a negative thing, it can most certainly cause a divisiveness amongst people. We've always been taught about being careful when talking about religion and politics (of course, that warning has never and will never stop me from proclaiming my love for Christ and my desire to follow Him). But what about motherhood? With a quick Google search, we are inundated with an exhausted list of blogs and news writings on the opinions of how best to raise our children. Even amongst a group of followers of Jesus, there are even beliefs on child rearing that completely divide people. Even books that claim the "Godly way" can contradict each other. It's so frustrating and <i>confusing</i> as a mother. It is so hard not to get lost amongst the muck of books and people who advice us and forget to remind us to <b><i>fall on our knees and simply pray for the Lord to help us discern how best we are to raise our child.</i></b></span><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">In 2008, as a new mom to Ella, I can recall a particularly difficult day where I threw a book across the room because its methodology was not working for my baby. I was exhausted and weary from caring for a very colicky baby. I tried the crying it out, the not-crying it out, the 5 steps to a happy baby on the block or whatever the heck it was called. I tried changing my diet in fear that something I was eating was affecting my milk and perhaps bothering her sensitive tummy...all to no avail. And although well meaning people tried so hard to give me advice, all I really wanted was a hug. I wanted someone to tell me that I was a good mom. I needed someone to comfort me and tell me that "this will pass" instead of hearing "savor this moment" or even worse "just wait until they are teenagers". I wanted so desperately to have this Babywise baby that everyone talked about...but, no one told me that colicky babies are different. They may need a different approach for a few months until the "colic" starts to fade.</span><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><b><i>One especially weary day, at the end of my rope, I truly believe God appointed a very special group of mommies into my life. A group of women who all already had several small children took me under their wing and they poured love and encouragement into my heart. </i></b></span><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">I'll never forget that late August day in 2008. A friend I had known since college invited me to her small group...a group of women whom all went to different churches, yet were brought together because of motherhood. I only knew two of the women in that group of 7 or 8 that night. But, we sat around a round table and they said things I'll never forget.</span></span><br />
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<i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">"Sarah, you are a good mom. He gave you that little girl because He knew YOU were the best mommy for her"</span></span></i></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">"Sarah, forget those books for now. Just pray. Pray for God to show you how to mother. Everyone at this table?We all do the baby thing differently."</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">"Oh, your first baby? That's the HARDEST! It's so, so hard becoming a mother. Your body has never had that kind of lack of sleep. Everyone tells you to savor these days, but it's hard to savor it when you are exhausted and your boobs hurt!!" (one of my favorite quotes)</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">And the best advice ever...</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">"Sarah,<b> rest in the peace that God will give you the sleep you need</b>. Don't focus on how much sleep you are getting. Just know that God is taking care of you. When you are tired? Just make that your prayer...ask the Lord to provide the sleep you need for that day. Don't look at the clock...that will just make you more anxious. Just trust that God will give you the rest you need."</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Those women were my lifeline during that season on new motherhood where I desperately just needed love and encouragement. That group of women? Well, they encompassed everything: they had bottle fed babies, breastfed babies, Babywise babies, co sleeping families, easy going babies, more high maintenance babies...all of it. They didn't judge me when I "only made it" to 10 months of breastfeeding. They didn't judge me when I said "Y'all...I just had to bring Ella to bed with me last night" or "Y'all Ella slept in her bouncy seat all night...it was the only way I could get her to go back to sleep." They would just laugh and promised me that eventually my little girl would indeed sleep all night. (By the way, by 6 months, that little girl was wonderful and still is AMAZING!)</span><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> </span></i></span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"></span></i>In a world where there are so many opinions on
raising children, it is a blessing to have moms who encourage, listen,
and don't judge you when you feel like you are falling short. Moms who
pray for you and always point you to Christ are my lifeline in this
adventure of raising three small children. I call these women my "Titus 2" women:</span><br />
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<i>"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers
or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train
the young women to love their husbands and children, to be
self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their
own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."</i></div>
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<i>Titus 2:3-5 </i></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">What do mother's want? We want to feel encouraged and loved. We want someone to listen and love us when we are weary and tired, yet always pointing us back to the Lord. We want older and wiser moms to know that us younger moms are still learning and growing. We don't want to feel judged on those grey areas of life. It's so important to remember God is still working on us all. Whether it is how we choose to school our children or how we celebrate different holidays, God is doing the same work in us all, yet our journey's will all look different. He is slowly chiseling away at all of us to make us more into His image. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">And now I am in a different season of life. I no longer have "babies" anymore. Now my stresses are how to school my children and whether it is OK for us to celebrate Halloween or pretend the whole Santa Clause thing with our little ones...OK, I'm mostly laughing at that last part. I really like Santa. Jesus is the reason for the season, but Santa is a lot of fun...just being honest! I digress...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Once again, the Lord has placed women in my life with similar life challenges. All of us have different paths and roads that the Lord is leading us on. Some public school, some home school, others private school...but, all of us are united in raising warriors for Christ. We respect and know that God has a different journey for each of our families. We don't judge...we just love and encourage each other along our own paths. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">(<span style="font-size: x-small;">Editors Note: And likewise, let us not be so sensitive to those who advice us even if we don't agree. Although some moms are very dogmatic about things, most of us know that we are all just doing the best we can with the tools we've been given. It's good to remember that most people only give advice because they want to help...they aren't trying to make you feel worse. I frequently have to get my "sensitivity meter" back in check...looking at the persons heart and not their words.</span>) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">So today, and every day, I am thankful for the friends and Titus 2 women that the Lord puts in my life. The ones who love and encourage me in motherhood. The ones who know when I just need a listening ear...the ones who point me back to Christ...and the ones who make me laugh at the small stuff. I am thankful for the mothers who know and understand that we all fall short in everything in life. How desperately we need fellowship with other Believers. Thank you Lord for sending these women into my life, even if only for a season. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><br /></span></span>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-27141733497871379122013-10-03T20:48:00.002-04:002013-10-03T20:48:58.090-04:00September 1st: a Peter Pan and Tinkerbell PartyEver since I signed up on Instagram, I've become the worst blogger ever. Not that I was that great before, but the iPhone pics have replaced the blog. Actually, in all of reality, it probably shows more of our "real" side than the blog world.<br />
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Anyway, despite that, I keep wavering back and forth as to even continuing the blog...you know, for the two or three people who even read it any more. But, then I had to remind myself it's really more for me and not about anyone else. Unfortunately, I'm not one to really "air all my business" to the world, so sometimes I feel like this little space on the Internet feels a little too vulnerable for me. I'm still trying to figure out the balance in all that. <br />
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It was a really, really busy September..just like it was for everyone else in the world. <br />
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On the first, we celebrated the twins 3rd birthday. And while I could reminisce on how far they have come, I'll just simply say that we are thankful for how well these two have done...how much they have overcome...despite being born so early. From birth until age 2, I feel like all we did was see specialists and have appointments. And remember, I don't have help. Andrew is gone 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and I truck my whole crew with me...EVERYWHERE. We are quite the scene, yet I'll say I am to a point in motherhood where I am oblivious, nor do I care, what the general public thinks of my crazies when we are out and about. (If you have help, I hope you thank the Lord every single day for that.) Anyway, although the craziness continues to abound between ages 2 and 3, I'm happy to say that life is more settled. There are less worries about their future and they seem to be mostly caught up developmentally. Our only small issue at this point is that Jacob is still receiving speech therapy (he has made huge strides this past month though!)...and I really have very few concerns regarding that. I am confident he will catch up. And honestly, when you have watched your children on the brink of death, this really is nothing.<br />
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We had a Peter Pan and Tinkerbell party, complete with costumes. Jacob really loved his costume as you can see below:<br />
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Good grief. What am I going to do with that boy? Of course, Audrey was happy to flutter around in her Tinkerbell costume.<br />
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And of course, no Peter Pan party is complete without a pirate ship carved out of a watermelon. Andrew is to thank for those amazing skills. I showed him a picture of what I wanted and he exceeded my expectations. </div>
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And pirate popcorn with a visit from Peter and Captain Hook<br />
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All 3 of our kids have loved watching Peter Pan, as well as the Tinkerbell movies all summer. It seemed only fitting to have this as the theme for the twins birthday. I must say, it was the cutest party.<br />
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And lastly, I must share a funny story about the twins when I took them for their 3 year old check up at the Pediatricians office. He asked them the following:<br />
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Doctor: "Audrey, are you a girl or a boy?"<br />
Audrey: "A Girl."<br />
Doctor: "Jacob, are you a girl or a boy?"<br />
Jacob: "I Peter Pan!!!" (Insert big grin)<br />
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These two are such a handful right now, yet the things they say make me laugh. They both know how to charm a crowd.<br />
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The days are still pretty long and hard. I'm just being honest. I miss Ella while she is at school in the mornings (she only goes 1/2 days), but it does make it a little easier. She is not a burden by any means, but she is at an age where she wants to go, go, go...always wanting a friend over or to go somewhere...and it is hard for me to do that every single day. I'm still finding it hard to find friends who stay home and actually want to get together to play...seems like the world is way over scheduled...or maybe we still haven't found our "groupies" yet. Ha! I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with them right now. It truly is a blessing. Despite the sometimes lonely days, I am so thankful for the abundant blessings these children have given us. God has truly shown us His love and mercy with all we went through with the twins. We are so undeserving, yet so grateful for these three amazing miracles.<br />
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-17048155271570750422013-09-03T00:18:00.002-04:002014-08-06T23:51:12.954-04:00'twas the night before KindergartenYou don't really think you'll be "that mom"...the one who cries when she drops her kids off at school. You don't think you will be her because until that reality comes to the forefront and you have no choice but to take it, suddenly you have this feeling that someone has kicked you really hard in the stomach.<br />
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It's time...time for a new season of life...it's time for Ella to start Kindergarten.<br />
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Suddenly, the sleepless nights, temper tantrums, and countless drives to the doctor for croup seem like a distance memory and all you remember is snuggling that little baby in your arms. Your firstborn. The one who got your undivided attention. The one who always wore matching clothes from head to toe...the pink sweater pants and pink and white striped cardigan and pink beanie hat...sigh, that one stands out the most. Suddenly, all you see is the absolute treasure. And although I'd like to take credit for this kind, gentle, and loving little lady she is becoming...I'm realizing the more accurate statement is that she is so lovely <b><i>despite</i></b> our many, many failures as parents. <br />
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We got her a new book, "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. Let me tell you...if you need to release some big mommy tears, this book will do it to you. It was a special moment...just she and I. At the end, she kissed my hand so that I, too, would have a kissing hand. A kiss that I can hold up to my cheek at any time whenever I need a kiss from Ella. <br />
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And then for her bedtime song, she requested "Baby Mine"...of course, because she could not have picked out a worse tear jerker. I couldn't even make it through the end before I was in full on sobbing. Completely ridiculous. I can't help it. I'm a sentimental lady...but, I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all. Oh, and "Baby Mine" is the song I sang to her over and over again as a baby. Seriously, she couldn't have picked a more appropriate, gut-wrenching song. But, that's ok. I can't imagine a more perfect book followed by the most perfect song to share with my oldest daughter on the eve of Kindergarten. <br />
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One of the main goals of parenting is to guide them towards independence. Raising them to be kind to all people, raising them to help others, and raising them to know the Lord in such a powerful way that they do not fear this world. Yes, as they become more and more independent, we get sad...sometimes scared. In reality, we should be patting ourselves on the back saying well done! Well done! No go and show the world the love of Jesus! <br />
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I know that God has a great purpose for Ella's life. She is, after all, His child on loan to me for such a short time. What an honor that He is allowing me to raise her. Most of the time I feel like I am majorly screwing up...but, deep down, I hear the gentle whisper of the Lord remind me that "I'm not really that powerful." He is God and I am not. My role as her mother is to continue to point her to Him and hopefully lead a life that reflects His great love in such a way that she will be drawn to the beauty of a relationship with her Savior.<br />
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That girl. She is going to move mountains. So the heart sandwich has been made, the locket already wrapped and ready to give to her in the morning, camera battery is charged...we're ready. Just be kind to this anxious mother's heart...because even though you may think "it's just kindergarten", I can only think that if I take a moment to blink she will be graduating from college. And I don't want to miss a second. <br />
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There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens</div>
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<span class="p">Ecclesiastes 3:1</span></div>
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-35272011926104624252013-08-22T00:23:00.002-04:002013-08-22T00:23:43.722-04:00Summer Came and Summer Went...and now I'm sad.Lightening speed does not even come close to describing how quickly this summer has passed us by. I mean, it's been over two months now since I last blogged. How do I even summarize all our comings and goings?<br />
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We swam, and we swam, and we swam some more. We swam in pools, lakes, oceans, fountains. Ella took off swimming by mid-summer, so she wanted to swim every chance she could get. Proud Mommy. <br />
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We went to South Florida and visited family in mid June. And not too much longer after that, we spent our time at the lake over fourth of July.<br />
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And because going to the beach once isn't enough, we had to go to our favorite little island off South Georgia called Saint Simon's Island. It is so charming and we eat seafood until we can't stuff one more crab leg down our throats. <br />
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We have worked hard and played hard and now it is starting to come to an end. Ella starts kindergarten in less than 2 weeks...that's plenty of time for me to lose all my marbles. I had all these things planned to do with the kids once public school started, but knowing we still had two weeks to ourselves...but then we had this unseasonably cool weather come through and lots of rain...so, I'm thinking all those hopes of having the pool to ourselves are slowly dying. <br />
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Speaking of dying, Ugh! Why does this growing up thing have to be so painful? God has been so good to us. We have such a great teacher and school for Ella to attend for Kindergarten. She's only going 1/2 days, which is all this mommy can handle. My kids are obsessed with Peter Pan right now and I think that Peter guy was on to something...let's all fly away to Neverland and never grow up!<br />
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First star to the right and straight on till morning... <br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-20340468222390774702013-06-12T22:25:00.001-04:002013-06-12T22:25:47.361-04:00Ella, Jacob, & Audrey's dance recitalI'm sure I've mentioned it a million times before, but I have a little girl who loves to dance. She has even recently taken her dancing to the next level and decided to become a choreographer. Here is a little piece she came up with and tried to teach to her brother and sister. This was take number 5. It fell apart a little in the middle, but they totally pulled it together at the end. Get ready to laugh. Cutest thing you've ever seen! Drum roll please...introducing, Ella, Jacob, and Audrey's first production:<br />
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What did you think? Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-78279072095443605762013-06-10T11:54:00.004-04:002013-06-10T11:54:55.603-04:00End of the school year catch up No one told me how absolutely insane the end of the school year gets once you have a school aged child who is also involved in activities. Not to mention, we have 3 birthdays in May (Ella, Andrew, and myself...myself being the most important, naturally...just kidding) and our anniversary is just a mere 2 days after my birthday.<br />
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You get it. It's busy. I don't know how we will manage once all 3 children are in school. I'm guessing we'll run on caffeine the entire month of May and sleep all of June.<br />
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Yeah right. Who am I kidding. The minute the pool opens, that's all I hear about all day.<br />
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Anyway, I fell out of the blogging world because frankly, I something had to give and I figured the 5 people who actually read this wouldn't really care anyway.<br />
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So here is last month summed up in pictures and bullet points. Because it's either that or nothing. Ooooh....and by the way, I'm on Instagram now and LOVING it! I'd love it if you followed me there. It's easier to keep up with our comings and goings...not that we are really that important to most of the world. <br />
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First, we celebrated Ella's 5th birthday! It was a "Little Mermaid theme". Not my choice obviously, but it's not really about me. Those fancy parties I used to plan down to every detail have now been replaced by "Disney party in a box." And you know what? I'm OK with that. Mostly...<br />
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We had pre-K graduation (insert sobbing, major ugly mommy cry for weeks over this. How can I now have a Kindergartner. Say it isn't so!!). This was the same night as Andrew's birthday. Needless to say, his party was more of a "here's your cake, now we got to jet out the door!"<br />
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This was followed by the end of the year dance recital. This year, she took a ballet/tap combo class, so her routine was tap. They danced to the song "Jump in the Line"...yes, the song from Beetle Juice. Super, super cute.<br />
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We spent Memorial Day weekend at the lake with some friends. Going to the lake is not exactly my favorite activity. It was something my parents made me do constantly growing up, so I've learned to tolerate it. However, it's definitely fun when you have grown up friends to chill with. Now beach...I LOVE.<br />
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A few days later was my birthday. My husband showered me with a few of my favorite things: peonies, a glass of Pinot Noir, crème brûlée, and 3 macarons. <br />
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Two days later, was our ELEVENTH anniversary! I can't believe we've been together for 11 years, but in the same way, it feels like we have been together our entire lives. I wish I had a picture of us all jazzed up in nice clothes and ready to hit the town (we, for once, actually had a babysitter)...but, alas, I forgot. When we go to the beach soon, I'll make that happen. We need some updated pictures of us that are not wedding photos or me pregnant with child. HA!<br />
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Whew! And Mother's Day? That was pretty much a wash...just too much going on.<br />
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But, it's OK, because Andrew saved all those special days (Mother's Day, Birthday, Anniversary) to get me something I've been wanting for a long time...<br />
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I know. Welcome to the new millennium. It's kind of changed my life. Yes...I've officially had a taste of the koolaide. <br />
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You can follow me on Instagram under <a href="http://instagram.com/sarahantweiler">sarahantweiler</a>. Original, I know.<br />
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Hope you all have recovered from the end of the school year! Happy Summer! <br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-78286820182547485742013-05-11T22:30:00.000-04:002013-05-11T22:30:40.719-04:00The childless Mother's DayI have a confession.<br />
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Sometimes on Mother's Day, I have this really overwhelming sense of guilt. It's really bizarre and hard to explain, but I would say it is similar to someone who has survivors guilt. You know...when there is a disaster and one person survives and the other does not, the survivor often feels this overwhelming sense of guilt for being spared their own life.<br />
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Having a child after infertility is sort of a similar phenomenon. There are so many men and women out there who are grieving that there are empty rooms in their home. They would give anything to have a child.<br />
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I used to be one of those women. Mother's Day was like salt in my wound. I know it is not the desire of every woman's heart, but it was the desperate plea of mine. All the moms would stand up on Sunday morning at church and get their round of applause...it felt like a dagger to my heart. I purposely avoided church on Mother's Day 2007...it was just too much for broken heart, empty womb, and vulnerable soul. <br />
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I know I'm on the other side now. God has given me way more than I deserve and way more than I could have ever dreamed of. We will never stop thanking Him for His goodness. But, I still feel that pain on Mother's day...not for myself, but for that young lady crying in the church pew because she would give anything to just have one child. That woman who has to hear people constantly tell her "just adopt"...as if it is that easy. Even those waiting to adopt will tell you the pain of waiting is agonizing. <br />
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<i>Side note: Can I tell you something? Even if you want to adopt, it's really painful to tell a woman to "just adopt". It's a normal woman emotion to desire to feel a child growing in her womb...and even when she is 100% excited about adopting, it doesn't change the fact there is a certain amount of grieving that transpires knowing you will never know the feeling of a baby growing in your belly. Let them grieve that. <b>
The barren woman should always be handled with tenderness</b></i><i><b>. Their hearts are fragile. Please extend mercy and grace to them.</b></i><br />
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You may love your pets, nieces and nephews, and even your best friends children...but, that doesn't replace the desire in your own heart to have a child, yet your body continues to fail you. It is a pain that no one can understand unless they have walked that road as well. <br />
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So, this is for you...the woman who is waiting. The woman who feels like God doesn't hear her cries...<br />
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If you are waiting and wondering, do not believe the lie that God is
withholding His blessings from you because of some wrongdoing. God has
not forsaken you.
<i><b>You see, it's not about you. It's ALL about Him</b></i><b>. </b>If
it was about us, no human would ever receive such a blessing. It's all
about His kingdom.
And God knows your pain. Look at how much Hannah poured out her heart.
There is no denying she was in deep anguish. Yet, she still believed in
His goodness. You don't have to hide your pain either. <br />
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God adores you. He cherishes you. He can
use anything for His glory, sure, but He does not like to see us suffer.
<b> You are His beloved</b>. <br />
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So many women in
the Bible and God did not leave them barren: Sarah, Hannah, Rebekah,
Elizabeth. Elizabeth became my dear friend from the Bible. His timing
certainly caused Elizabeth heartache, but she still believed He would
fulfill His promise. Had Elizabeth had her own way, there would be no
John the Baptist. You see, God was not punishing Elizabeth. NO! <i><b>GREAT
WAS HER REWARD!</b></i> He had a great treasure in store for her and he must of
thought highly of her to make her John's mother! Isn't that such a
beautiful thought? That perhaps your wait is because God has such a
special child that needs to born at a certain time in this world because
of the influence he/she will have on it.<br />
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So, tomorrow, know that you are not alone. And know that it is ok to grieve this day. Whether you have no child and desperately are waiting on one...or have five and desperately want just one more...or if you are waiting to adopt and God still hasn't opened that door...or if God has given, but then taken away...<br />
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I am praying for you. Whatever your situation. I pray that those around you will extend compassion to you on this day and that you will feel a sense of peace that can only come from the Lord. <br />
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<i><b>"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and
humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."</b></i></div>
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<i><b>Matthew 11:28-29</b></i></div>
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-39183161878545954282013-05-05T22:41:00.001-04:002013-05-05T22:41:23.435-04:00Happy 5th Birthday Ella! Today, the one who finally made me a mother turned 5 years old! I know this does not seem like some big milestone to most, but I have been very emotional the past few days about this birthday. This past year with Ella has been so full of joy. She truly is such a joy to be around.<br />
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Despite the unseasonably chilly weather we had yesterday as well as the torrential down pour all day long, we had a wonderful birthday party with our little girl, family, and friends. We traded in the slip and slide and sprinklers for some arts and crafts. I'll have to post pictures of our Little Mermaid party another day, but for now, here is a little video montage of Ella's past year.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/65478752" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/65478752">Ella's 5th Birthday Party Video</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user6837461">Sarah Antweiler</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-79597373465892136682013-04-30T23:33:00.002-04:002013-04-30T23:33:30.991-04:005-5-5In 5 days, on 5/5, my baby girl is going to be 5. I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around that. I was going to write a blog post all about the twins latest and greatest shenanigans, but this quickly approaching birthday has left me in quite a state. I am not a prolific linguist, but even if I was, I'm not sure there are words that describe the joy and sadness you feel as your child grows. I am slowly watching the dynamics of our household change as Ella is about to finish her preschool years and the school age years are quickly approaching.<br />
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For almost 5 years, I've secretly longed for the day that my children were a little more independent. Don't get me wrong, I love caring for them. They are not a burden by any means. But, I'd be lying if I didn't say that Andrew and I haven't looked at each other and wondered how much longer before our kids can at least brush their own teeth.<br />
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So, when Ella started brushing her own hair the other day before school, without me even asking, you would think I would have done a little happy dance...a leap for joy if you will.<br />
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But, I didn't. I felt sad. And I still do. Yet, I felt proud and happy too. So, you'll have to forgive me as I figure out how those two things in motherhood coexist...how you can feel so proud, happy, and sad all at the same time. <br />
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She is the loveliest of lovely little ladies. She is emotional...and while other parents may feel annoyed by a girl's emotions, I just love that she is so passionate about life and compassionate towards those who are hurting. She is polite and kind. Beautiful inside and out. And although I'd like to take credit for how wonderful she is, it's actually amazing how wonderful she is <i>in spite of</i> my less than stellar parenting moments. <br />
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She is creative and artistic. Her drawing abilities already exceed my own (not that that is hard to do). I love listening to the stories she comes up with when playing with her dolls. She is definitely a little mommy in the making. The way she cares for her brother and sister has been by far one of the most enjoyable things as a parent to watch. (And just to keep this realistic, I will confess that there is also some fighting...<i>sigh</i>) <br />
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She loves the water and she loves to dance. Every non-moving object in our house is a ballet barre. When she isn't drawing pictures, she is creating a new ballet dance. I am often made to be the ballet student while she plays the part of the teacher.<br />
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I am so thankful that she still is happy and willing to come snuggle in my arms with a book or a movie and a bowl of popcorn. She still loves princesses and Barbies, but I've suddenly seen her mind mature as she will occasionally request to watch/read "Little Women", "Meet me in St. Louis", and "Heidi".<br />
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I love her so much, my heart could burst. And yet, I know she is only mine for such a short time. She is on loan from God and ultimately it is Him that she will listen to and obey, not her mother...and it should be that way, but that doesn't make it any less bittersweet. <br />
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The Lord has been good to us. She is proof of that. He did not have to give us a child despite our desperate prayers. But, He did. And we are so grateful. I can't imagine my life without her sweet smile. I'll never forget the day she made me a mother. Before we know it, she will go out into the world and spread God's truth with that passion and joy that He has given her.<br />
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5 more days of being 4...excuse me while I just soak in these final preschool age days.<br />
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-63563481090807991252013-04-17T22:38:00.001-04:002013-04-17T22:51:41.980-04:00Hope<br />
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I feel like I've fallen a little silent lately. It certainly is not because of lack of writing material...as we speak I'm listening to the sweetest, most gentled spirited child pray in her room alone. No one asks her to, but even at the brink of her 5th birthday (yes, 5 years...can that be true? It's so cliche to say, but where has the time gone?) she knows the Lord and I can see His Spirit pursue her little heart.<br />
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On the Eve of Easter Sunday, she asked me to read the story about Jesus on the cross "one more time". And although we had already read it twice since her bath that evening, there was no way I was going to deny her little ears from hearing the Truth one more time before slumber.<br />
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And she asked me lots of questions that night. Hard questions. Questions about life and death. Heaven and Hell. Why do we sin? Why did Adam sin? Why did Jesus have to die? Why were they so mean to Him before He died? Why did they beat Him? <i><b>Why didn't they believe Him</b></i>? One and a half hours worth of questions. <br />
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It was hard for my 32 year old mind and tongue to articulate. How do you explain grace to a 4 year old? How do you explain the love of Christ when it's only something I've only in recent years even begun to semi-understand? How do I explain that we are no longer under the law, but we live in grace...yet, God still tells us to sin no more? I didn't start asking these hard questions till I was an adult. <br />
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However, as I reflect on the last few years, Ella has watched Andrew and me in our deepest despairs and cries to the Lord. She has seen people pray over us and with us. She has watched them pray over my health and the health of her brother and sister. She heard us pray night after night after night for a miracle.<br />
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And she saw that miracle. I just didn't realize the impact all that would have on her. At a very tender age, she saw a community of believers fervently pray for months over her mother and those babies. And she saw us rejoice and give thanks for all that He gave us and continues to give. She saw as blessing upon blessing was bestowed upon us in our weakest hour. <br />
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And that girl...she left me speechless that night of Easter. I wasn't prepared for her maturity.<b> She put her hope in Christ that night.</b> Now, we could sit and intellectualize that she is way too young to understand such a thing, but I felt a gentle nudge from the Lord to trust that He was doing something great in her heart.<br />
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<i>"Mommy I want to pray...I want to pray to the Lord tonight." </i></div>
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Ok, love. What do you want to say? </div>
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<i>"I don't know how to pray. I only know the thank you for our food song. But I want Jesus to know I said thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. And I want Him to know I don't want to sin anymore. Can you help me pray to Him?<b> I don't know the right words</b>."</i></div>
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Ok. I can do that. But, I just want you to know that God knows your heart. It's ok if you don't know what to say. God knows. What you just told me is exactly what you can say to Him.</div>
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<i>"He listens to my brain think?"</i></div>
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Basically. </div>
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And she thanked Him. And she prayed He would help her not to sin. She said other things that my mommy brain does not quite remember. But her heart of gratitude...well, let's say this girl understood the magnitude of what the Lord did better than most adult believers do. Her heart just burst with thanksgiving for what He did for her.</div>
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I left trembling that evening. Only God knows our hearts, but I believe God is dwelling in hers. I am not so naive as to think that she will have harder questions as she grows and even times of possible doubts, but I know what I saw and heard that night. And I have no doubt that He who began a great work in her will continue to work until the day she meets Him face to face.</div>
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And the world...it's fierce. I have been bullied and ridiculed for my faith. I have begun to understand what it means to give up everything for Christ. And this world that these young children are coming into...they are going to have to have the heart of a warrior. I am fearful for what they will endure for being believers and followers of Christ. </div>
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I have felt burned out by the bullying via the media...news, facebook, twitter, the blog world, etc. So burned out, that I have found myself withdrawing from those platforms. It's sad the harsh words that can come simply from quoting the Bible. I am beat-up and tired...yet, I totally understand now why God wants us to commune with other believers...we desperately need each other for encouragement. Yet sadly, even the divisiveness amongst Christians has left me exhausted. It seems, these days, even Christians can't live in harmony with each other. </div>
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But that prayer the other night...</div>
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that was hope. </div>
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That although darkness abounds on this Earth, that God is still pursuing our undeserving hearts. </div>
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And although my hope is in Christ and not a 4 year old, I know that the Lord has not given up hope on us. </div>
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<i>"Mommy, will God let me take my baby doll to Heaven?"</i></div>
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<i> </i>I think God will give you what you need to be happy in Heaven.<i> </i></div>
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"<i>Will I fly?"</i></div>
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I have no idea. </div>
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<i>"I think Heaven is going to be awesome."</i></div>
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Wouldn't you love to have seen the Lord's smile that night?</div>
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Hope. She's going to go out and fill this world with joy and hope...and hopefully she'll teach me some things along the way. Someday I'm going to have to let her go, but in the meantime, I am raising a warrior for Christ.<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-38847037777686468182013-03-31T10:00:00.003-04:002013-03-31T10:00:24.120-04:00When the Iris blooms<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> <span class="text 1John-4-7">Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."</span></b></div>
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<span class="text 1John-4-7">1 John 4:7 (NIV) </span></div>
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I write about her every year on Easter. As a young girl, she filled my heart with love. As a teenager, she loved me unconditionally. As a young adult, she never forgot me on my birthday. She was quiet and humble and meek. She loved Jesus with all her heart and you could see it daily in her walk with Him. She was more than just a grandmother. She was an example of Christ in my life. It is no wonder that instead of going to church on Easter Sunday, she went to be with Lord. Dressed in her Sunday best, no doubt God orchestrated their first face to face meeting on the day that we celebrate our hope in our Savior. <br />
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She was the first to see me ride my bike without training wheels on my blue Care Bear bike. And she was the one who taught me the word "peacemaker"...a phrase she would so gently and kindly use when I was fighting with my siblings. "Be a peacemaker," she would whisper. She would come every Sunday night with her little blue suitcase (I loved that suitcase!) and would stay until Tuesday. She would sleep with me in my room and I cherished those days. She would bring me a little brown bag with some candies she picked up from the gas station. My favorite was always the "bit-o-honey." (Does anyone else remember those?) She played the piano unlike any other. She was too humble to brag, but she even studied at the Boston Conservatory when she was younger...yet, anytime you'd ask her to play, she would sheepishly say "I'm not that good anymore." It is because of her that <i>Clair de Lune</i> is my favorite masterpiece...a piece she played with beauty and ease. <br />
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In my memory box, I have two letters penned by her. I wish I had saved them all through the years, but I am thankful for the written words I have from her. One was a letter that is not dated, but I am guessing I was somewhere between the ages of 16 and 17. She wrote to me to say thank you for sending <i>her</i> a card. That just shows you what a thankful heart she had...that she would write a note of thanks just for me writing to her. She mentioned something about how "I must be enjoying learning to drive...and how she couldn't imagine learning to drive in the city." She then talked about all the iris' growing in her yard...that they were "all different shapes and colors and she loved them so much."<br />
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When at the market this week, I stumbled upon the most beautiful bouquet of iris'. My heart immediately was filled with many emotions, but mostly I was just thankful that I would see these beautiful flowers mere days before Easter. That visual gave me hope of not only that I would see my grandmother again, but that I would also one day be with my Savior. It made me look forward to Heaven in a way I had never experienced before.<br />
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The second is the last birthday card I ever received from her for my 23rd birthday. On the front it read "<i><b>For love is of God. and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God</b></i>. 1 John 4:7" How appropriate that those were her final written words to me...they are so relevant with all the division in our world. God's words are so clear: LOVE one another. And we can only love one another if HE dwells in us. Real love shows that we have His Holy Spirit dwelling in us, and that we belong to Him. We are called His beloved for this reason. I would think if there was one legacy she would have wanted to leave behind is a reminder to love one another...it was why she would whisper "be a peacemaker" in my ear. And friends, she <i>radiated</i> Christ's love. <br />
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It's been almost 9 years since she went to her eternal home. I imagine Christ greeted her and showed her her home with a yard full of iris'. It is because of her, that I learned that it is not necessarily with my words that others will come to know Christ...that others will hopefully know Him because they will see Him living in me.<br />
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I cannot wait to hear her fingers playing Clair de Lune as I enter the gates of Heaven one day. Today, she celebrates Easter walking side by side with her Savior. And I am sure she brought Him a bouquet of her finest iris' to thank Him this morning.<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-30713663285189204942013-03-18T09:55:00.002-04:002013-03-18T09:55:09.108-04:00How to catch a leprechaun: the tale of a catch gone wrongI bet you didn't know you could <span class="st"> to catch a leprechaun. Yep, it's true. All you need to know is how to build a trap. You see, leprechauns are attracted to rainbows because they think there are pots of gold at the end. So first you will need to make a rainbow...or you can trick him by putting out fruit loops all over the ground that look like a rainbow. Put it all around your colorful box that's propped up on a stick. (By the way, my engineer husband instructed me that this whole thing didn't even make sense. He insisted it needed a string attached so we could pull it once the leprechaun got under the box. I gave him the evil eye and told him that leprechauns will ONLY come if little children are taking their afternoon naps. Ahem.)</span><br />
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<span class="st">Once you've caught the leprechaun, he will offer you some gold to let him go....</span><br />
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<span class="st">unless you have a really, really wise and honest almost 5 year old who gets very upset and exclaims "but taking gold that doesn't belong to you is STEALING!! I'm going to call the police man and have him taken to jail. We do NOT steal."</span><br />
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<span class="st">Leave it to Ella to have to be all moral in my creative mommy moment. Geez!</span><br />
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<span class="st">We did, indeed, catch something. But, it wasn't a leprechaun. We caught a duck off the lake who apparently really loves fruit loops.</span><br />
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<span class="st">This, my friends, is why I rarely bother with these creative mommy things...they always backfire on me.</span><br />
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<span class="st">I did close the box later and let the children lift it up to reveal a few gold coins and some chocolate wrapped in gold paper. </span><br />
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<span class="st">They totally didn't buy it. </span><br />
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<span class="st">Stupid ducks. </span><br />
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<span class="st">Hope you all had a festive St. Patty's Day. I couldn't even get a decent photo of the kids all decked out in their green outfits. Mommy fail!</span><br />
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2825176832044103235.post-69377265247401467042013-03-15T01:15:00.000-04:002013-03-15T01:18:38.762-04:00Tales from the Medicine Cabinet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am so thankful that this winter has mostly been a season of health for our little family. We had some illness back before the holidays, but have mostly been healthy since then. God has given us so much mercy this season.<br />
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However, the past couple weeks have been really rough around this house. I don't have a photo of Ella doing all her breathing treatments, but just imagine all 3 at once with some sort of respiratory virus...croup, fever, etc. The worst was the week when Ella was sick (thank you Lord for keeping the other two well at least until we were able to get Ella over the hump). You see, she is my asthmatic child. You'd think the two preemies would be my asthma children...but no...it's the child who was actually breastfed for 10 months and was full term. Ironic, huh?<br />
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We are so blessed that she sees the best Pulmonologist for her asthma. He takes very good care of our family. Awhile back, he even prescribed a type of inhalant for her that is usually something you can ONLY get in a hospital setting. I've never had to use this extra inhaler before, but boy were we glad we had it the other night. She was struggling so much to breath I briefly wondered if I needed to get an ambulance to take us to the hospital. If you know someone who has a child with asthma, you know that when they get some sort of respiratory virus, it is so much harder to deal with than your normal, healthy child.<br />
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Anyway, we are all slowly on the mend and praying that the pollen season that is headed our way will be kind to all of us...especially our little asthmatic girl.<br />
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So, if it seems like I've disappeared, it is only because I've been playing nurse for the past two weeks. I wonder when pay day is? Surely I earned some overtime money for the middle of the night "throw up" session, no?<br />
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Even in the midst of lots of breathing treatments and loss sleep, I must say that snuggling in bed watching movies with them all day was fabulous...and the napping! <br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10870727586415760333noreply@blogger.com1