When you have to trade in your red flower...

I grew up in a traditional church where women wore flowers pinned to their dresses on Mother's Day Sunday. I was always fascinated by this from a very young age. Red was pinned with joy in the knowledge that your mother was still living. White was pinned in grief and remembrance that your mother had passed away.

Although my mom's mother passed away long before I was ever born, I don't remember my mom ever wearing a white rose pinned to her choir robe.

I was pondering this tradition this weekend as Mother's Day approaches and I decided that I am not trading in my red flower for a white flower.

I'm not in denial. In fact, I have very much come to a place where I can speak those words and say that "my mom is dead" if someone asks. I hate it when the words leave my lips, but it is my reality.

But I'm still not trading my red flower in for white. I'm trading mine in for pink.

Do you know what happens when you mix red with white? You get pink. Pink is a much more accurate representation of where my mom is.

She is neither dead nor alive. Yes, she is dead in terms of her Earthly life, but she is still very much alive. She is alive because on May 21st, 2014, The Lord gave her a new body that He had promised her when she accepted Him as her Savior.

She is more alive than you and me.

I feel closest to my mother when I am singing worship music at church. I can imagine her standing at His feet and singing worship music to Him. So when I am worshipping the Lord...well, I just always feel this deep connection with her when I know we are both doing the same thing at the exact same moment. I know her worship looks different from mine. I am still a sinner while she has been made new. She has seen God in all His Glory. She knows more about God than I do.

So instead of skipping church on Mother's day like I had originally planned, I will wear my dress covered in pink flowers and honor and be near my mother. It may look different than the time you will spend with your mother. But when I feel the presence of God and think of my mom being completely and fully in His presence, well...it's the way I can be with her this Mother's Day. I am so thankful for how brave God can make us when we are so weak and broken.

So, I'm not trading in my red flower for white. No...I will proudly have pink and remember that my mother is very much alive.

Happy Mother's Day to you all. And for those of you wearing pink flowers, you are not alone. This life is our temporary home.