Monday, June 28, 2010

And so we wait...

It could be worse...it could have been better. I find myself wavering between hope and despair. Of course in my heart I know that "God's will be done", but I am simply a mother who loves her children and wants them to come home and live with me. I want to kiss their cheeks and hold their hands. I want to snuggle with them while we watch "Princess and the Frog" with Ella...I want Ella to be able to play with her handsome brother and beautiful sister.
I never thought I would long for the day that I would get big with stretch marks. I pray that I will indeed have sleepless nights. I pray that when I go to sleep at night this Fall, that I will be kissing three sets of cheeks as they all settle in for bed. I pray that at Christmas this year, there will 5 stockings, and not just 3. I pray that I will be exhausted and wondering how I'm going to make it through another day on little sleep...because if that happens, it means my three children are at home with their mommy and daddy.
But, at this point, there is much to be fearful of, but also much to be hopeful for.
My cervix has gotten a little worse. My contractions have not stopped. And although we know that keeping these babies inside until the Fall is very unlikely, there is much reason to hope that we might can make it 6 more weeks. 6 more weeks would give our babies a chance at life.
It will be a fight. A fight that includes a 24 hour pump for contractions and will ultimately put me in the hospital in a couple more weeks for the remainder of the pregnancy. It will include me only getting up to go to the bathroom. It includes a lot of not so pleasant side effects from medicine.
But I can do it. I can't do it on my own though. I can only do it with prayer and strength from God.
And so we wait...
And we will fight until it's over.


24 comments:

Life in the Heavrin house said...

You don't know me. I only found your blog through a friend on facebook- but I wanted you to know that as I read through your blog- I felt the Holy Spirit move through me with the push to pray...so I did. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you in the upcoming weeks. Your faith is moving.

J said...

And we will fight for you, on our knees, beseeching the God of hope.

With Love,

Jenn

Thea Nelson said...

Face-down before the Lord is a tough place to be (mostly because of what typically drives us to our faces) but what a SWEET place to be. Because there, no matter what, He is found faithful. No matter what.

I am crying out on your behalf. Praying, praying, praying. I think it's beautiful that you're drenched in prayer by those who know you, and even some who don't. Praying you'll hold these children this side of Heaven!

Courtney said...

Praying for you and those babies, Sarah. I'm going to email our church small group right now and ask them to pray for you. I know this isn't going to be easy, but you can do it. I have faith that God is going to hold you and those precious babies tight and get you to a safe point in this pregnancy.

upstatefamilybuddy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation but am so inspired by your love and faith in our Lord. Praise God that we can come to Him when we are weak and needy and that He can handle it. I will be praying for you, your husband, your sweet little girl and your precious twins. Keep us updated. Much love and prayers are being sent your way!
-Alison Huckle Hendley

Erin said...

Oh girl, have I been there...not with twins...but I know the bedrest...the medication...the wait...the hope & the fear all intertwined in one. Just keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Praying He envelopes you with His love, peace, and hope-the kind only He can provide. And while you wait, wait in expectation of a God who can work wonders.

Milam Family said...

We are praying for you and those precious little ones that already are loved so much!!!

Eileen said...

Visiting from Courtney's blog.Sending lots of prayers your way from one twin mommy to another. I have been to L&D several times for contractions already and I know how scary it can be. Keeping my fingers crossed that your babies keep cooking for at least 6 more weeks. Good luck!!!

heartincharge said...

Please Lord! Be our strength in weakness!

Courtney said...

I was sent here from another blog that I follow... just wanted you to know that I said a prayer for you and will continue to pray for you and those sweet babes. =)

God bless XOXO

Southern Gal said...

Praying for you as you go through this. Your hopes and dreams are important to Him. He knows your desire. Rest in Him.

Moments In Time said...

oh my gosh, THANK YOU for asking for prayer on my blog! I haven't had a chance to catch up on blogs yet so had NO idea what you were going through.

how BAD I wished I lived closer to bring you meals, paint your toenails and have Ella come play with MY Ella (who DIES to have girls around ;)

But, since I can't do any of that...I will be on my knees for you. half way across the country I am on my knees for you!

Diana...aka...MeMe said...

Hello Sarah. What a beautiful little mommy your are!! I am praying for you and your sweet babies. I come by way of Kelly Korner. I added my grandson Cayden to be prayed for as he has just been diagnosed with OI: brittle bone disease. Your blog is lovely. Rest peacefully, knowing you are doing ALL you can do for your babies. Wishing I could help more but prayer is a powerful thing!

Hugs~
Diana

Fran said...

Stopping by from Courtney's blog to give you my support and prayers. You can do this,only 6 weeks and maybe longer, there is still hope. Much love, Fran

Tabitha said...

You have the right mindset, and you have the right tools...and now you have dozens more prayer warriors! God is good and you WILL be blessed!!!

Sarah said...

Found you through Tuesdays Unwrapped...praying for you and your beautiful family. Your mother's heart is absolutely breathtaking.

JoAnn said...

I will pray for you and your two sweet little babies.
I agree with Thea, you are in a sweet, terrible place. I pray that you feel His comfort, His love, His peace.

JoAnn

amandadod said...

Beautifully written ... wishing you the best

emily said...

I know what it is to be pregnant with twins and I know what it is to fear.

I will pray for you as you come to mind, and for those little lives inside to be safe and stay put.

GrannySmithGreen said...

Bless you and your sweet babies! I know you must be experiencing all sorts of emotions now. Please know that you are all being prayed for by many. Although we don't always understand it, God's timing is perfect. Praying that you are feeling the Holy Spirit!

Lindsay said...

Two years and one week ago, the doctors told me my son would die. I was 17 weeks pregnant, and my amniotic sac had ruptured. The baby's lungs couldn't develop, and I was at high-risk for lethal intra-uterine infection.

I laid in bed for three months, and I only got up twice a day to get out of bed (and go to the living room futon) or get out of the futon and go to the bed. I took daily antibiotics that gave me raging yeast infections, and when I went into pre-term labor at 24 weeks (a miracle in and of itself) I went on Brethine. I was jittery with hallucinations, but the baby stayed in.

At 32 weeks, after three and a half months of bedrest, his heart stopped beating. They delivered him via emergency c-section, and revived him.

In three months, he will be two years old. He has the most amazing smile, and he lights up our lives.

My entire team of physicians (fifteen in all) still cannot believe that he's alive and perfectly healthy. Two of them accepted Christ because of his journey.

God is *still* in the business of healing and miracles. :) I will be praying for you and your little ones!!

patty said...

keeping you in thoughts and prayers~

my main blog: www.findingserendipity.com

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

yes, praying hope for you... I cannot imagine this place, joy and fear intermingled.

Felicia said...

Lifting you up right now.