What's in a name: Part Un

People are always asking me how we chose names for our children, so I thought I would do a series of posts on our names.

The name Audrey is English and means "of Noble Strength." The name Helene is French and means "Light."

Audrey is a name that I have loved since I was a teenager. It is a name that was a close contender when we were naming Ella. I love what it means and it is only fitting for a little girl born barely weighing over 3 lbs. She is certainly has an amazing strength. (You have to be strong to survive being born 3 months early!)

I also LOVE English and French names, so that helped narrow things down. Andrew and I knew we wanted something from those origins. They tend to be very classic names, which we love.

Oh, and a completely coincidental fact is that Audrey Hepburn's mother was named Ella. But, that is not why we chose our names...just a funny coinkidink!

The name Helene is a form of the name Helen, which is Andrew's grandmother's name. We changed it from Helen to Helene because we liked the French version better.

A beautiful and classy name for a beautiful little girl. We are so blessed to have her as part of our family.

Reality

I had visions of posting at least every other day of the daily musings of raising 3 kids under 3...

I also had visions that I'd have these perfectly coordinated, scheduled twins who wore coordinating outfits...

But reality is, someone always spits up or poops on their outfit...which results in being put in a simple sleeper again. Someone is always screaming. Jacob is fussy. Audrey doesn't want to eat...or she turns blue when trying to eat.

And in the midst of the newborn (even though they are technically two and a half months old) chaos, I am watching my beautiful Ella grow and enjoy life with me in the background...

And that hurts way more than the sleep deprivation. The reality is I don't know how to share my heart. I love all three and no matter what I do, I feel like I am letting someone down. I feel like I am always missing something.

After months of bed rest and going back and forth to the hospital to see the babies, I REALLY just want to spend time with Ella. And although I know people can help with the babies, let's face it: newborns need mommy, want mommy, and won't stop screaming until they have mommy.

The babies have had 8 doctors appointments in the past 2 weeks. Jacob needs some minor surgery that will require him to stay overnight at the hospital...once again, taking me away from the rest of my family.

I hate that Ella rather hang out with other family members than me. It is like a knife in my heart because I WAS her best friend, her buddy, her constant companion. And although most people would think it is wonderful that she is so well adjusted to the chaos, I can't help but hurt that she doesn't always come to me to play princesses with.

I love these babies. I love my Ella. How do you give everyone equal love?

Here is reality: I don't know how to juggle all this. Now, I know that this is a unique situation in that I have two high needs preemies on my hands with feeding issues, lots of appointments, etc. But surely God can make a balance for me with it all.

Reality is hard, it's messy, and it's beyond exhausting.

Homecoming

It wasn't really the homecoming I imagined 9 months ago...

But, nevertheless, it was the day God chose to finally fill our empty bedrooms.

My heart feels very full and my life so complete. Thank you, Jesus, for sleepless nights, sweatpants, and messy hair.

Welcome home our sweet Audrey Helene.

A piece of heaven

He is such a welcomed little blessing in our family. It is getting hard to remember what life was like before he came home.

SEVEN pounds of heaven. We are hoping to add our little Audrey to the pictures this week too!

Mommy's boy

While everyone else was watching the election results last night, I was laying in bed with my little boy. Yes, we were laying in bed at HOME. And although Jacob decided to party all night, we are so glad to have our 6 pound 8 ounces little boy at home where he belongs.

Such a miracle. Such a blessing. Such a mix of emotions.

And I think back to June 28th when they said they weren't sure if the twins would make it to viability. And yet, here I sit staring at my little blue-eyed darling...wondering why God chose to let me bring him home while I watch other mothers still waiting and wondering if their precious children will ever come home. My heart aches for those mothers.

And though we still feel a little empty without our sweet Audrey at home yet, we know that she will soon follow. Very soon, everything will be as it should.

For now, we will embrace this new little boy in our house. He is definitely going to be a mommy's boy.

Thank you God for still performing miracles!