Andrew and I were reminiscing the other day about a day in our lives that we never wanted to end. We've loved our trips to Italy, France, and even our little weekend trips to the mountains. But, the day in my life that I never wanted to end was September 8th, 2007. It was the day I found out I was pregnant with Ella. We drove an hour to the fertility clinic that early Saturday morning and later waited by the phone in anticipation of that mornings blood test results. Before we heard our results, I felt a sense of peace on our drive home. I remember the overwhelming feeling of God's presence. That morning, I prayed a different prayer. I didn't pray for a positive result...I had already prayed that prayer so many times. That particular morning, I just prayed for God's love to surround us no matter what the outcome. I prayed for His will...and prayed that He would hold me close if the outcome was another "no." I prayed He would help me turn to Him and give me hope if I was to be disappointed yet again. I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed.
As we drove home, I heard Jeremy Camp's song "I still Believe"...about how "in brokenness I can see that this was God's Will for me. I still believe in your faithfulness...and even when I can't see, I still believe." I wondered how I would handle another disappointement. I prayed God would just take away my desire to be a mother if that wasn't His will...and I prayed some more. I knew God heard our prayers. I felt Him hold me in the car. At that moment, I knew I was going to be ok, no matter what. I knew I would understand one day.
...and when the phone rang at 10:28am, my heart started racing, and I prayed one last time. I held Andrew's hand and I waited for what seemed like for forever for the doctor to just spill the news. And when she said "I have some good news..." I cried...and I prayed...but this time, it was a prayer out of thankfulness.
I don't remember what else she said. I don't think I even heard anything else after that. But I will never forget that moment. I wanted that feeling and moment to last for forever. It truly was the best day of my life. When we finally stopped crying, we prayed together...and then I went and took a home pregnancy test because I still couldn't believe it...and because I had always wanted to see two lines!!
Exactly one year later, I am holding my little angel. She smiles at me and I wonder if she will ever know the joy she has given me. I wonder what kind of woman she will become...what her likes and dislikes will be...and then I feel scared because I know I am responsible for raising her into a Godly woman. And I get on my knees and pray for her. I pray that God is forming the perfect man for her to marry one day. And I know God hears my prayers...because He answered them on September 8th, 2007.
Today, God, I thank you for our angel. Even in the midst of her endless screaming, I thank you...because there are woman out there who would love to hear those cries. Today, God, I pray for those woman who have endured infertility. I pray that you send them an angel like you did us. I pray you give them peace as they patiently wait. I pray, that even when they feel like they just can't pray anymore, that will pray again.