My heart is heavy. That sounds so depressing, but I cannot get the image out of my head that I witnessed this week. The worst of it is realizing my own naiveness of this world. I'd like to think that I am aware of what goes on in this world, but after this week, I do not think that I am. I can't stop thinking about it. The feelings this story have evoked in me are some that I am not sure I will ever be able to shake.
I ran into a coworker of mine whom I have not seen in a couple of months. She adopted a little girl from China about two months ago, so she has been gone on personal leave for awhile now. She is the picture perfect little china girl...she looked like a little doll. She and Ella are only a couple weeks apart. They will both be 2 this May. Her daughter is slightly delayed, which one usually expects when adopting a toddler from there.
But underneath the pink leggings of this precious child of God were scars. Her legs reveal the damage of being tied up to her bed. I knew orphanages were less than ideal conditions for little ones, but I was so in shock of the abuse. The saddest part is this is not uncommon in Chinese Orphanages...nor is it even the worst of the things that go on there.
I came home to do my own research on these conditions. What I found in my ten minutes of reading and seeing videos has left my heart with such an ache that I am not sure I will ever be the same. I cannot believe I was so naive that I did not know this. I actually feel ashamed at my own ignorance. I am not sharing this video with you to evoke the same emotions I am having. I am sharing it with you because I don't want other people to be as naive as me. Here is the link.
The thought of my new knowledge has left me with a yearning for God to please tell me what I could do to help.
I rocked Ella for a long time last night. I couldn't help but start crying as she rubbed her little nose on mine and giggled. I just kept thinking that across the world, there are so many children being abused, neglected, and even put in a room to die. I cannot understand how my loving God would allow a child to come into this world that He knows will live in abuse. How could that be for His glory? If everything has a purpose, I cannot justify in my heart how this could have any purpose. These are the things that I cannot explain to a nonbeliever. I don't even understand myself.
That little girl's life may have been saved, but she will forever carry mental and physical scars from this damage. Dear God, please save these children in orphanages from this torment.
May you always love others with all your heart. May you always be humble for all you have been given. I pray you will always be aware of the despair in this world...so that you will always be grateful for your blessings.
I love you a MILLION times my precious gift from God,