Thursday, February 4, 2010

The ache of my heart...

My heart is heavy. That sounds so depressing, but I cannot get the image out of my head that I witnessed this week. The worst of it is realizing my own naiveness of this world. I'd like to think that I am aware of what goes on in this world, but after this week, I do not think that I am. I can't stop thinking about it. The feelings this story have evoked in me are some that I am not sure I will ever be able to shake.
I ran into a coworker of mine whom I have not seen in a couple of months. She adopted a little girl from China about two months ago, so she has been gone on personal leave for awhile now. She is the picture perfect little china girl...she looked like a little doll. She and Ella are only a couple weeks apart. They will both be 2 this May. Her daughter is slightly delayed, which one usually expects when adopting a toddler from there.
But underneath the pink leggings of this precious child of God were scars. Her legs reveal the damage of being tied up to her bed. I knew orphanages were less than ideal conditions for little ones, but I was so in shock of the abuse. The saddest part is this is not uncommon in Chinese Orphanages...nor is it even the worst of the things that go on there.
I came home to do my own research on these conditions. What I found in my ten minutes of reading and seeing videos has left my heart with such an ache that I am not sure I will ever be the same. I cannot believe I was so naive that I did not know this. I actually feel ashamed at my own ignorance. I am not sharing this video with you to evoke the same emotions I am having. I am sharing it with you because I don't want other people to be as naive as me. Here is the link.
The thought of my new knowledge has left me with a yearning for God to please tell me what I could do to help.
I rocked Ella for a long time last night. I couldn't help but start crying as she rubbed her little nose on mine and giggled. I just kept thinking that across the world, there are so many children being abused, neglected, and even put in a room to die. I cannot understand how my loving God would allow a child to come into this world that He knows will live in abuse. How could that be for His glory? If everything has a purpose, I cannot justify in my heart how this could have any purpose. These are the things that I cannot explain to a nonbeliever. I don't even understand myself.
That little girl's life may have been saved, but she will forever carry mental and physical scars from this damage. Dear God, please save these children in orphanages from this torment.

Dear Ella,
May you always love others with all your heart. May you always be humble for all you have been given. I pray you will always be aware of the despair in this that you will always be grateful for your blessings.
I love you a MILLION times my precious gift from God,


Karen said...

How horrible! I feel the same way -- God why? But the answer is man's free will.........I guess we won't understand until Jesus takes us home. I totally believe He cries right along with us. As I am watching my Kate finish her lunch
-- I just can't imagine that kind of disregard for human life. I would love to adopt one of those baby girls, but my hubby and I have a combined age of 104, so it's not an option for us. Besides, I would go there and want to rescue all of them. Maybe God is opening a door for your family? Have a great weekend! Blessings!

Courtney said...

Wow, that is so awful! I had no idea either. My heart aches for those poor children.

greta said...

I can't watch the link, because I already know what goes on. But, I am happy to see one more Believer have compassion on these kids. I pray that it stirs within your heart the desire to adopt. If only 7% of Christians adopted ONE child, there would be no more orphans. Isn't that crazy?!?! If you know our story, you know we spent 3 years trying to bring home our daughter via adoption, with no success. We have been left without her. I have been healing tremendously from loosing her. AND what helps me sleep is that she really is in a good orphanage. But, its not her mama's arms. But, obviously God didn't want her home with me. And I choose to trust Him. Email me if you want.

Courtney said...

Hey girl! I gave you an award on my blog!

Jennifer said...

Hey! You should check out this blog. its an adoption blog-- great information. We have friends who just recently adopted 3 year old twins from China- they were told the girls were potty trained, but once here- they had no desire to use the bathroom. The girls put in words that they were tied to the toliet for up to 8 hours a day! Horrible. I would love to adopt from China, but can not afford it.

Playing Sublimely said...

Thank you for are such a blessing.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

It is so awful. Thanks for sharing your heart, and all this info, even though it is so hard understand.

Brooke's Insights to LIfe said...

I came across your blog a few days ago- I immediately sat down down and read your last several posts. I really enjoy your blog and plan on visiting it over and over again.
I watch the video fro your link- I have heard of the abuse, but it is a completely different thing to see it. I don't understand why God would allow it, and my heart breaks to see the abuse. However, I do believe the promise God makes in Romans 8:28- All things DO work together for good.

Christina Alvarado said...

I just came across your blog, and read through a few of your posts. I cannot believe the pain those children suffer. It makes you realy want to do something for those poor children. I look forward to visiting your blog again in the future!

Julie Swenson said...

We have a 5 year old from China. We adopted her when she was 2. There are horrors that occur in all countries definitely!! Unfortunately some of the greatest horrors to children occur in the great old US. Our daughter was fortunate enough to be from a loving orphanage and to have a nanny who loved her dearly. Thank you for promoting the needs of orphans.