Mic Check

I seriously need to do a mic check...testing 1-2-3...hello?

ahem...

You would think with 3 adorable kiddos I would be posting a million pictures a day, right? And you would think since it was the holidays that I would have some good material to write, right?

Well, I do and I do. The issue is that I have 3 hungry mouths to feed and lots of little socks to wash. I have baby dolls to dress, train tracks to put together, and paper dolls that need dressing. I have 30 fingers nails and 30 toe nails, not including my own, that need trimming.

So, I have lots of neat and hopefully inspiring things to talk about and LOTS of fabulous photos. And a few of you asked about photography stuff and that has gotten me REALLY excited about some future posts!

But, once again, it is really late...and the babes will be calling my name many times tonight to fill their little tummies. But, I know you all will stick with me and understand if my posts are brief right now...you are awesome like that!

So, for now, I leave you with one simple photo....because what's a post without a picture of one of my little loves?!

While some may think having a two year old AND twin babies is crazy, but I am telling you that this little girl keeps me laughing and smiling...except when she yells at me and tells me that I'm not allowed in her princess tent. *sigh*

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas. I'm still working on my Christmas cards...

And God will give you all the desires of your heart...

On June 28th, my life took an unexpected turn. I prayed that God would give me 5 stockings to hang on the mantel this year.

So, on Christmas Eve, I will kiss three little sets of cheeks. And while I watch Ella's every expression as she opens up the Angelina Ballerina House she has been wanting, I will also be looking at those two extra stockings...and oh how complete my heart will feel this Christmas morning.

(And in 2011, I will post much more. We are starting to settle into a routine here, so I hope to post lots of pictures soon!)

The summary of my life...

While sitting here snuggling with Jacob (because it would be wishful thinking that all 3 kids would be sleeping at the same time) in bed, I was looking at my disaster of a nightstand and thinking how badly I needed to clean it off.

But, then I decided that it was way too cold to put down my little snuggle buddy. However, I got a good laugh at the actual items on my nightstand. After proper examination, I decided you could tell a lot about a person by looking on (or in) their nightstand. Here is what is currently on mine...it pretty much sums up my life right now:

1. A pink pacifier

2. A cold cup of coffee that I never got to finish this morning

3. two bottles of freshly pumped breast milk

4. a tub of lysol wipes

5. a face mask (that hooks up to our nebulizer)

6. A Norah Jones c.d.

7. A how-to speak French phrase book (to feed my intellectual side-I've been teaching Ella some words!! It's hysterical hearing her say Bonjour!)

8. Fancy Nancy Book (mine and Ella's new favorite book-we like to read while I feed the babies)

9. Blistex

10. A t-shirt covered in spit-up that I pulled off in the middle of the night

11. an address book

12. A devotion book by Joyce Meyer

13. a pad of paper and pen

14. A bottle of nail polish

15. my cell phone

16. my ipod

17. my credit card bill that is due in three days that I forgot to stick in the mail again.

18. a hair clip

19. A victorias secret coupon-(Ha!.. like I'll be buying anything from there anytime in the near future. Gotta love their free undies coupons though!)

20. And lastly, a photography magazine

And the usual lamp and alarm clock. Seriously, those are all sitting on top of my nightstand!! I wonder what that says about me? Probably just that I've become a disorganized slob since having the twins!

On a serious note, Audrey continues to sound better and better each morning. She was still coughing a good bit up until this morning. I think I've only heard her cough once today. It is amazing how quickly kids can go downhill, yet how quickly they can bounce back.

Jacob has been doing well since his surgery. Ella has an appointment tomorrow with the ENT and I'm praying she doesn't need another set of tubes. The pediatrician thinks her right one is plugged and she has been pulling at it a lot.

If I have to schedule in another surgery, I might need to get an assistant to help me keep up with everyones appointments. Geez!

It's alright. I have it all under control...just look at my nightstand!

More to come...

I will write more later, but I didn't want any more time to go by before I told you that our Audrey is being healed by our Lord. He has once again shown us how mighty He is. Audrey's tests came back as having RSV.

Had this little girl not gotten the antibodies in a shot a couple weeks ago, she would have probably ended up critically ill in the ICU. The antibodies kept her from getting any sicker than she did.

She is eating, she is pink, she is alert, and she is breathing easy once again.

Now do you believe in the power of prayer?

Seeing a body of Believers come together to pray on behalf a little 7 pound wonder...

how happy this must make God. That is all HE wants afterall...to see us love each other, love and serve Him, and take care of each other.

Mustard Seed

Pre-post: If you feel led by God to pray for our family, may I humbly ask you to either link back here via your own blog or ask your own small groups to please continue to pray for our family. I do not ask in a way as to solicit traffic through this blog, rather to come as a community of believers to support and pray for each other as the Body of Christ. And right now, I am telling you that I am tired, overwhelmed, and weak and need the support of believers to pray on our behalf. I am simply a mother who needs prayer.

The walls are thin here in the Children's Hospital. Audrey's room is right in front of the nurses station...so I hear everything. I'm pretty sure I've never been so tired in my entire life. Despite the two months our twins spent in the NICU and the other stress we have had this month with Ella and Jacob somehow catching Pertussis, I'm pretty sure this is the most fear I have had ever. I sit on this hard "thing" they call a "parent bed", and watch my littlest little lady stop breathing and lips turn grey. It only lasted 30 seconds, but these spells seem to be happening more and more as this mean and awful virus (we are thinking she has either pertussus orRSV) attacks her innocent, immature lungs. And I sobbed and completely broke down...probably for the first time since the twins were born. You see, just a week ago, I was outside and snapped the most beautiful pictures of the most gorgeous little tyke. She was healthy and growing...and although she was barely 7 pounds even at 3 months...she was starting to thrive.

Isn't she absolutely lovely? She is the easiest baby of my three kids. She is always happy and such a great sleeper. Oh, and she looooooves her mommy. And oh how I do love my Audrey (and my sweet Ella and snuggly Jacob too)!!

So, when started getting fussy Saturday evening I knew something was not right with her. Audrey NEVER fusses...but, she would not let us put her down all evening. The next day, she very quickly started to go downhill.

The hard thing with these preemies is they just can't handle getting sick. You or I may just get a bad cold...but a simple cold virus makes these babies very sick. Their immature little lungs just cannot handle it. Now, full term babies carry mommies immunity for about the first 4 months after birth. But, since these babies were born so early, they were essentially born with no immune system. And although I nurse them both, it just isn't the same as a good healthy full-term baby.

She started with the awful cough that would result in her vomiting. As the day progressed, she coughed so much she would vomit and then have these little episodes of turning blue/grey. Monday, we spent most of the day in the Emergency Room being evaluated. At that time, we were able to get her to tolerate Pedialyte. The doctor was on the verge of admitting her, but felt like if she could just tolerate clear fluids for a couple days, then there was no need to admit her.

So, even though a voice in my head said "don't you let them send this girl home", I did just that. I didn't listen to my mommy instinct.

As this story is getting far too lengthy already, I will simply state that she got worse on Tuesday and we found ourselves back at the hospital again...but, this time to stay.

And if that wasn't enough, Jacob had to be brought in the next day for his scheduled surgery at 6am at the same hospital (where he would have to stay overnight). Fortunately, we were able to work it out between Andrew and I to continue on with the planned surgery. Jacob did great and pretty much slept the next 24 hours. When I saw him this morning, he was wide awake and content with a full belly...I gave him lots of hugs, kisses, and snuggles before Andrew took him home. Love that boy!! Did I mention he is almost 10 pounds of chubbiness now???

I digress.

So, here on a late (and very cold) Wednesday night I listen to the "click click" of her IV fluids being pumped into her little 7 pound body. The monitor continues to alarm and I wonder at what point will I fall on the ground from exhaustion.

And I listen to this miracle work to breathe. I watch her lip color change back and forth. I try to feed her the smallest amount of fluids, but she just can't handle it.

Andrew comes to visit at 10:30pm (he found a nurse downstairs to hold Jacob for awhile) and he says to me "she is going to be ok, right??" "Sarah, is she going to be ok?"

And for the first time in 3 months, I sob. Because I don't know if she is going to be ok...

But I know that God is a God of miracles. And I know, despite the pain, that He loves us. I may not feel like He hears my prayers right now...I may feel abandoned and forsaken...

But, then I find that small mustard seed faith of mine. And I remember that He is a healer...

The nightmare that just won't end...

The room is still and quiet. Every mother of littles ones dream, right?

But, I would give anything to hear the running around of Ella and two screaming babies...

and not the inside walls of the Children's Hospital where I sit with a sick Audrey.

As if having two kids (Ella and Jacob) with Whooping Cough/Pertussis wasn't enough...

Yet, once again, I find myself with a sick child. Only this time, it is much worse and it is my littlest of babes.

Sometimes I feel like I just cannot wake up from this nightmare. I keep thinking it is over, but then something else happens that makes me fear for my babies lives. You shouldn't have to watch your child turn blue and stop breathing at home.

But, praise God I am a nurse and knew what to do. I stayed awake with her all night last night in fear. Her cough started late Saturday and has gotten progressively worse since then. On Sunday night, she coughed so hard that she vomited an obscene amount of milk and then turned blue.

In true Audrey style, a minute later (and some oxygen from her oxygen tank that we have at home) she was fine and acted like nothing had happened. But, she did not eat well through the night. This morning, she vomited every feeding b/c of that cough.

We are all perplexed because everyone in our family was treated for Whooping Cough, yet it seems like that is what Audrey has. It is ironic that the mother who vaccinates her kids and is a Pediatric Nurse ends up having a child with this.

I cried in the car. I cried because I felt so alone. My husband has taken so much time off of work that we just can't keep having him take days off. So, I sit her alone with Audrey. I entrusted my 64 year father to care for Ella and Jacob...

God help him.

I prayed that God would do anything to me....but, don't let anything happen to my kids. Don't let another illness come into our home right now.

I am tired. I have been running off adrenaline and prayer...

But, right now, I find myself saying "It's me God...Sarah. Where are you??? Please give me rest, strength, and perseverance. And please Lord, heal my sweet and delicate Audrey.

Living the Dream

Isn't it every young girls dream to go to college, get married, travel to Europe and various other places for a few years, have a little girl with big blue eyes and blonde ringlets, and then have boy/girl twins? Oh, and buy and renovate a house with your hunky (but completely dorky too!!) hubby? There may have been some twists and turns a long the way...a good bit of suffering...but, WOW, looking at my life written out I'd say I'm living the dream. (And yes, these were all taken by me.)

Ella's latest thing that she likes to come tell me several times a day is "Mommy, God is soooooooo good!"

Have I mentioned that I LOVE this girl? Her innocence and joy for life help me get through these really hard and tiresome days. Her vocabulary has really expanded and we actually have real conversations now. I have decided that 2 & 1/2 is my new favorite age. She still needs me and wants me, I have once again become her best bud, and she is absolutely hysterical! She is constantly cracking me up from sunrise until sunset.

And, although my life is beyond exhausting and hard right now...

It is so, so sweet.

Living the dream. Who would have thought this several months ago?...

Yes, Ella, God is soooooo good!

I'm alive

I know I have been terrible about posting...

But, we've been dealing with the whopping cough in this house. Yes, my poor little Jacob and sweet Ella both caught pertussis/whooping cough. (And yes, my kids get ALL their vaccines!!)

I will tell you all about it soon.

We are all starting to recover.

I am an exhausted mommy...