Monday, December 6, 2010

The nightmare that just won't end...

The room is still and quiet. Every mother of littles ones dream, right?

But, I would give anything to hear the running around of Ella and two screaming babies...

and not the inside walls of the Children's Hospital where I sit with a sick Audrey.

As if having two kids (Ella and Jacob) with Whooping Cough/Pertussis wasn't enough...

Yet, once again, I find myself with a sick child. Only this time, it is much worse and it is my littlest of babes.

Sometimes I feel like I just cannot wake up from this nightmare. I keep thinking it is over, but then something else happens that makes me fear for my babies lives. You shouldn't have to watch your child turn blue and stop breathing at home.

But, praise God I am a nurse and knew what to do. I stayed awake with her all night last night in fear. Her cough started late Saturday and has gotten progressively worse since then. On Sunday night, she coughed so hard that she vomited an obscene amount of milk and then turned blue.

In true Audrey style, a minute later (and some oxygen from her oxygen tank that we have at home) she was fine and acted like nothing had happened. But, she did not eat well through the night. This morning, she vomited every feeding b/c of that cough.

We are all perplexed because everyone in our family was treated for Whooping Cough, yet it seems like that is what Audrey has. It is ironic that the mother who vaccinates her kids and is a Pediatric Nurse ends up having a child with this.

I cried in the car. I cried because I felt so alone. My husband has taken so much time off of work that we just can't keep having him take days off. So, I sit her alone with Audrey. I entrusted my 64 year father to care for Ella and Jacob...

God help him.

I prayed that God would do anything to me....but, don't let anything happen to my kids. Don't let another illness come into our home right now.

I am tired. I have been running off adrenaline and prayer...

But, right now, I find myself saying "It's me God...Sarah. Where are you??? Please give me rest, strength, and perseverance. And please Lord, heal my sweet and delicate Audrey.

15 comments:

Amber said...

My heart goes out to you! I will be praying for the two of you!

Wanting What I Have said...

praying for you. right now. hang in there.

Courtney said...

Oh Sarah, I am so sorry.
I can't believe all that you have had to go through. I am sending up lots of prayers for you and your family. Please keep us updated on how Audrey is doing. Hugs to you!

Jesse and Lacey said...

If I was closer, I would be up at the hospital with you in a minute. I will be praying for strength and support for your family. Hugs, friend.

katherinemary said...

I wish I could have gone with you. :( I am sick myself so I wouldn't have been any good, but any other time I'd have gone with you. Praying for you. Lots of love.

Mommy Belle said...

Praying, praying and praying...we're all praying for you guys!

Jess said...

Oh dear sister...you are not alone! I know that feeling, but know that at the time you feel most lonely, there is a good chance someone is out there praying for you. And right now, it's me.

followingsplendor said...

The nightmare will end--we have a hope that others don't have--I wish I were there--I wish I knew you personally--but I read and I pray for you--it will end--it will.

Monica said...

Praying, praying, praying for littlest one.

Monica said...

Praying, praying, praying for your littlest one.

WantWait&Pray said...

Prayers for your beautiful little children. I'm so sorry!

keight dukes said...

major prayers. you are NOT alone!

Confessions said...

praying for your sweet audrey...and for your own heart- that you wouldn't feel abandoned and alone. God is there, even in the darkest moments. storming the gates with prayers-
katie

Mary Beth said...

Oh Sarah. I am so sorry. This has to be so hard for you. You are not alone and God's plan is so much bigger than we can see. He will bring your precious family through this hard time. I pray that Audrey will start feeling better soon and that you will be able to get some rest.

Jennifer said...

Sarah- I'd call you, but I don't think I have a recent number for you. I am willing to help in any way you need help.. Please give me a call when you get a chance.. Prayers friend.. oh and i reblogged your recent blog on my blog. Both Winston and I have been extremely healthy and we are willing to come to you.. to help.