Prologue to "Are you really real, God?" (video series)

 

"Mommy, I looooooove Jesus. And Jesus loves me. He made the grass, and the flowers, and everything in the whole wide world."

To have faith like a child. In her eyes, it really is that simple.

But, in reality, it IS that simple. So, why do we start complicating it as adults?

For me, I started questioning everything as a teenager. I started analyzing it from a scientific approach. Not to disprove. No...I wanted so desperately to believe. I wanted to get back to my childlike faith that I once had. At the time, I did not know that it was normal to have doubts. I was about 8 when I declared my belief...what happened between 8 and 15 that made me start to feel insecure in it all?

So, I suffered in silence. Searching on my own and never admitting to people that I had a lot of questions. In college, I started to realize I wasn't alone. But I was still silent about my disbelief. I think I believed that if I said it out loud, that God would stop loving me...that I would be destined to hell for having doubts. 

When I was 23, after being married to Andrew for a year, I broke down in the car one night (after a Bible Study) and admitted to him my questions. 

Today we have been married 9 years. No one has been a better example of Christ's love than this man in my life. I will never forget sitting out the back deck in the hot summer sun and crying to him and asking "what are we going to do if we never have a baby?"

"Sarah, I will always love you. Nothing could ever stop me from loving you." (I love this man. We can fight big, but boy do I love him so!!)

That is the way God feels too. Nothing could ever stop God from loving me either. And He hasn't. In fact, it is through my doubts that I have grown immensely. And nothing will shake you up more than waiting to have a baby. It was the first time in my life I had absolutely no control over the outcome.

To be continued...