Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Prologue to "Are you really real, God?" (video series)

"Mommy, I looooooove Jesus. And Jesus loves me. He made the grass, and the flowers, and everything in the whole wide world."

To have faith like a child. In her eyes, it really is that simple.

But, in reality, it IS that simple. So, why do we start complicating it as adults?

For me, I started questioning everything as a teenager. I started analyzing it from a scientific approach. Not to disprove. No...I wanted so desperately to believe. I wanted to get back to my childlike faith that I once had. At the time, I did not know that it was normal to have doubts. I was about 8 when I declared my belief...what happened between 8 and 15 that made me start to feel insecure in it all?

So, I suffered in silence. Searching on my own and never admitting to people that I had a lot of questions. In college, I started to realize I wasn't alone. But I was still silent about my disbelief. I think I believed that if I said it out loud, that God would stop loving me...that I would be destined to hell for having doubts. 

When I was 23, after being married to Andrew for a year, I broke down in the car one night (after a Bible Study) and admitted to him my questions. 

Today we have been married 9 years. No one has been a better example of Christ's love than this man in my life. I will never forget sitting out the back deck in the hot summer sun and crying to him and asking "what are we going to do if we never have a baby?"

"Sarah, I will always love you. Nothing could ever stop me from loving you." (I love this man. We can fight big, but boy do I love him so!!)

That is the way God feels too. Nothing could ever stop God from loving me either. And He hasn't. In fact, it is through my doubts that I have grown immensely. And nothing will shake you up more than waiting to have a baby. It was the first time in my life I had absolutely no control over the outcome.

To be continued...


Amy said...

amen to that! isn't it true that when we are at our weakest, He is strong?! Thank God for that!! I am looking forward to this series....and I L-O-V-E that picture of ella - perfect!

Jess said...

One of my husband's biggest things that he used to encourage our youth to do when he was a leader, was to ask questions. He loved the teens that weren't afraid to ask the "tough questions", who didn't take their faith at face value just because someone told him that's how it was. God is big enough for those questions, and His answers only help solidify our faith in Him!

Sacha....xoxo said...

Love your blog header! So Beautiful photography.


Happy Homemaker UK said...

I love reading your story of questioning in silence. I have to remember to tell my kids as they grow up - I would hate for them to wonder in silence as well when it is totally normal. XOL

sherri lynn said...

So true! I'm so thankful that God continues to show us his faithfulness and love even when we're doubting! Beautifully written!

Tiffany said...

This is beautiful! I cannot wait to read the rest. Thank you so much for being transparent and sharing.
Be Blessed.

Tabitha said...

Still excited to hear about the rest of this story!! I think so many people will be able to relate to you...