Friday, May 28, 2010

Isn't she lovely?

You see, she's all grown up now that she is two.
She no longer thinks she needs me to run into the ocean with her.
And she stares off into the waves and water just like a grown-up would do. She is already exhibiting a sort of pensive personality.

Isn't she lovely? I think I'll keep her.

Dear Ella,
My, what a little independent soul you are these days. You have requests as to who reads to you at night. The other night you pushed me out of the chair and made Daddy sit down...sort of funny and sort of sad. I definitely want you to have a voice and opinion...I just didn't realize it started this early in life. You do, however, want one of us to be close by at all times. My love, I will ALWAYS be right here when you need me.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

To be a mother...

Becoming a mother is more than just picking out the latest crib and baby bedding. It is more than finding the cutest wardrobe for the newest little addition. It is more than the ooh's and aah's you get when your little belly starts to show. Becoming a mother is more than just seeing your baby on the monitor of an ultrasound machine. You daydream about putting that perfect little baby in a shiny, new stroller and just run like you used to before the baby came. At first, you try to keep doing all your pre-baby activities while pulling the little one along with you...
But, then you realize you are not the same person you were before she came along. Before long, you stop trying to prove to everyone else that you are good mother and INSTEAD start proving to your child that all that matters is her/him. As a new mother, you try so hard to keep the house spotless, dinner cooked, and everyone looking their very best. But, with time, you learn that the most fulfilling days are spent splashing in water, walking barefoot through the sand and grass, getting dirty, and holding your little one. You see...all these books have it wrong...the only thing your child needs is YOU. They need lots of holding, hugging, snuggling, etc. Thank goodness for long weekends to remind us that all we need is love.

"Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys

or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not

my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind

and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child

so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night

watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because

I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small

could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of

having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel

to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond

between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small

could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night

every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth,

the joy,

the love,

the heartache, the wonderment

or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,

before I was a Mom."

Unknown Author

Dear Ella,

What a wonderful mini-vacation to the beach with you and daddy that I had. You had NO fear of the water this time. How grown up you are now that you are 2! The best part of the trip was holding your hands and seeing you grin while the ocean brought waves up to your knees and swept the sand away from under your feet. And sitting with you watching the was like you understood the beauty of just looking at one of God's marvelous creations. But while you looked at the beautiful blue ocean, all I could see was your beauty taking it all in. It is brief moments like these that just remind me how important it is to slow down and just enjoy you.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The day I didn't get a pedicure...

May 5th, 2008 was a beautiful, sunny spring day. At 38 weeks pregnant, we'd already survived many weeks of bedrest...only to be asking ourselves "ok, so where is this little girl already?" So, knowing I was in my final days of "just me", I put on my brown skirt and red tank top with the cutest brown heels. I was ready to go get a pedicure after a quick check at the OBGYN...after all, I wanted to make sure that whenever I went into labor, I had pretty toes (I know, I'm weird like that!).
The short story is that there was no "quick" visit to the OBGYN. I strutted in there with a full face of makeup and my naked toes and here is how the conversation broke down:
Doctor: Sarah, you are 5 cm and the baby is very low. Aren't you having contractions?
Me: Oh, sure, I have a lot of them. But, I think they are just Braxton Hicks, I think.
Doctor: ...uh, what does "a lot" mean.
Me: ...I don't know, let me think about it.
Doctor: Ok, how many since you got here?
Me: Probably, less than 10 of them.
Doctor: (Wide Eyed)-Sarah, go to Labor and Delivery
Me: Right now? All my stuff is at home and I was going to get a quick pedicure.
Doctor: Do you want your water to break in the Target parking lot?
Me: I'm going...
So, I called the hubby to leave immediately (that was at 3pm). I got a room and hubby showed up at 4pm. I kept thinking, "this is easy, I don't need an epidural." At 5pm, I couldn't breath and finally understood what pain really meant. I called for my it at 5:50pm...and 6pm (yes, only ten minutes later), my doctor came in and said "your complete and ready to push". Of, course, I was thinking "Really? I only get ten minutes of relief?" The moral of that story is to get your epidural before you hit the transition stage!
I pushed for 50 minutes and realized why they call it labor. It truly is hard work. It was such an amazing and intensely spiritual experience. At 6:50pm, she made her grand appearance into the world. I'm not sure there are really words to describe how you feel when you become a mother for the first time. It is definitely an out of body experience. You almost don't even know what to feel. I spent the next 12 hours just staring at her....studying her and feeling unconfident in myself as a mother. And although you love your newborn child, that love grows so immensely as time goes by.
On May 5th 2008, I didn't get a pedicure, I got a much better that has lasted way longer just a few weeks. She has brought us a lifetime of daily gifts, treasures, and laughter. I think I'll just throw some polish in my purse before the twins come though...
Happy 2nd birthday to my precious and sweet Ella!

Dear Ella,
Although there will be other children to come into our lives, you, my love, will ALWAYS be mommies FIRST! You are special because you made me believe in God' miracles again. No other child will ever have the one on one time that we have had the past two years. Because we love you so much, and you have been such an amazing blessing, you've made us want to have more! How special you must be!!! May you always know, that when I think of motherhood, I will always remember our special times together when it was just me and you. It has been the best 2 years of my life. You complete me and your daddy. Happy Birthday!