Monday, June 27, 2011

I know...

I know. I was on a roll with blogging more regularly and then...well, life just happened. By that, I just mean that it's warm outside and we've been playing hard. I've also been venturing out more with all three children and finally getting out of my baby blues that have lasted way too long. It has been a hard 9 months and all of a sudden I feel like I woke up and said "You know what? Everyone is going to be ok. WE are going to be ok. I can handle raising three little miracles. And yes, I can get out of the house by myself with all three children." So, I started living again and reconnecting with friends whom I haven't seen since the twins were born. I started being Sarah again. I even started doing a little photography again. I still have my days of feeling completely overwhelmed...days where I can barely even get everyone fed, much less do anything "fun". But, I'm getting there. I'm starting to feel like me again...and it feels really good.

Besides that, my mom was in a jet ski accident shortly after my last post. She is still in hospital, but doing ok. It's just going to be a long recovery. She has very severe osteoporosis, so the simple impact of falling into the water basically shattered her left leg. My dad was supposed to go out of the country tomorrow, but has since decided to cancel his trip. I was trying to find him some nursing help if he decided to leave, but it looks like that isn't an issue anymore.

I've also had two teething babies. Jacob is having a hard time with it. He has three teeth already. Audrey hasn't broken any yet, but the Pediatrician said any time now...he could feel them in the office.

So I am sorry about the unannounced hiatus. And sorry for leaving you hanging with the video posts. It's on my "to-do" list. So although I love all you who read my blog and have stuck with me, my days of playing Madeline dolls with Ella and dancing to Disney songs are so few.

But, I know you understand because you all are so sweet and such blessings in my life. Whether I know you in real life or only through the blogger world, thank you for loving me...even when I'm bad about staying in touch.


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Prologue to "Are you really real, God?" (video series)

"Mommy, I looooooove Jesus. And Jesus loves me. He made the grass, and the flowers, and everything in the whole wide world."

To have faith like a child. In her eyes, it really is that simple.

But, in reality, it IS that simple. So, why do we start complicating it as adults?

For me, I started questioning everything as a teenager. I started analyzing it from a scientific approach. Not to disprove. No...I wanted so desperately to believe. I wanted to get back to my childlike faith that I once had. At the time, I did not know that it was normal to have doubts. I was about 8 when I declared my belief...what happened between 8 and 15 that made me start to feel insecure in it all?

So, I suffered in silence. Searching on my own and never admitting to people that I had a lot of questions. In college, I started to realize I wasn't alone. But I was still silent about my disbelief. I think I believed that if I said it out loud, that God would stop loving me...that I would be destined to hell for having doubts. 

When I was 23, after being married to Andrew for a year, I broke down in the car one night (after a Bible Study) and admitted to him my questions. 

Today we have been married 9 years. No one has been a better example of Christ's love than this man in my life. I will never forget sitting out the back deck in the hot summer sun and crying to him and asking "what are we going to do if we never have a baby?"

"Sarah, I will always love you. Nothing could ever stop me from loving you." (I love this man. We can fight big, but boy do I love him so!!)

That is the way God feels too. Nothing could ever stop God from loving me either. And He hasn't. In fact, it is through my doubts that I have grown immensely. And nothing will shake you up more than waiting to have a baby. It was the first time in my life I had absolutely no control over the outcome.

To be continued...