Are you really real God?

Truth? The mere fact that I even had the word God in the title of this post has made 50% of the people who read this blog feel REALLY uncomfortable. 25% probably already clicked the button to stop following this blog. And dare I say the other 25% will click "stop following" if they even make it to the end.

Truth? If I say that I am Christian, you assume that I am some Pollyanna, teetotaler who sings "Amazing Grace" all day long. You think I'm one of these crazies who believes in a Fairy Tale. I mean, really, a dude gets swallowed by a whale and God has him spit back out? Really?? Crazy sounding, huh?

Truth? Maybe if I tell you that I am Christian you are reminded of someone else who told you the same and that person was one of meanest, backstabbing, judgmental persons you have ever met.

But, what if I told you that I enjoy a glass of wine with my husband. What if I told you that sometimes I just want to listen to the Top 40 countdown with Ryan Seacrest...and GASP...sometimes I even like to have wine and listen to the Top 40 on a SUNDAY!!! And what if I told you there are times when I am so frustrated and exhausted that I have been known to have filthy language roll off my tongue.

What if I told you I have slammed my Bible shut a time or two and said "there is no way all this is true!!".

What if I told you that believing in Jesus Christ hasn't been easy for me. It's been complicated, messy.

So when one of my readers asked me how I became a Believer,  I cringed. "Lord Father, PLEASE don't make me talk about it. They won't understand. If they don't believe, they will think I'm just another crazy!"

But, that's not for me to know. But, God knows why this story needs to be told. So, here I am. To tell you why I believe in Jesus Christ, how I came to believe, and how I'm still on a journey to figure it out.

To be continued...(video to follow this week)

Ella's betrothed

A couple weeks ago, one of my dearest friends flew in from Texas to meet the twins and just spend some time with us. I love my family, but I am once again reminded how good it is to have girlfriends...women who can encourage you, inspire you, and just love you right where you are at. We didn't do anything extraordinary, but it was so good for my soul to spend time with a friend. Here is a picture of Ella and my friend's son, Noah. Isn't he insanely handsome? He could quite possible be Ella's betrothed.

My goodness...way too much cuteness. Their children would be beautiful!

We also took some time to do a little fishing in the backyard. Apparently, all you need is a princess fishing rod, a spiderman fishing rod, and some stale bread to catch 3 fish in a mere 5 minutes.

Noah's first catch!!

His second was a catfish. Not too shabby for his first fishing adventure. 

Aren't the simplest of weekends the greatest when you are with friends? So blessed to have them in my life. She is always my friend to speak the truth to me in love. I tell her she is destined to be the next Beth Moore (she is in seminary right now)...and even if she isn't really, spending time with her is like reading a good Beth Moore book.

Having many small children can, ironically, leave you feeling very lonely. You are so consumed with their needs, that it is hard to make time to fill your own spiritual needs. I am so thankful for those friends who I know I don't have much to give right now...and who I know will still be there when life settles down for me...and that one day, I will in fact answer the phone.

Jacob's new trick

So, the twins are very much babies now and not newborns. They are very interested in everything around them...which means they are either crying because they notice when you leave the room now or they are laughing and smiling at anything and everything you do. This is the stage where I start to really enjoy babies. I mean, there is something special about a brand new baby, but I just really love it when they start to interact more.

So, I have been waiting for this one particular thing that I ADORE about babies: when they discover their feet and figure out how to stick them in their mouths. I just think it is so adorable. So, here is my little fella showing off his new skill:

Love him.

Belly Laughs

Definitely sure to brighten any ones day. Everything is funny to Jacob.


Untitled from Sarah Antweiler on Vimeo.

A different Mother's Day: Ella's 3rd Birthday

What better way to celebrate Mother's Day than to celebrate the birth of the girl who finally made me a mother. There is been no better gift than this child that we prayed for desired for for so long. I do not know where the last three years have gone, but they have indeed been the most fulfilling of the almost 31 years I have been alive. She is my mini-me, my first, my companion when I am lonely during the day.

 The decorations

 The (strawberry) Ballerina Cupcakes

 Jacob all dressed up for the special occassion...although he was way more interested in playing with my brother's blackberry. Typical male.

 Eagerly awaiting to open her gifts

 Pretty Audrey

 Waiting to release her 3 balloons

 I love this picture

 Sunset

 Some hugs with the birthday girl

Three balloons were released in Ella's honor. We sent them to heaven to God to tell him thank you for the three amazing years He has given us so far with this beautiful little girl.

There was a time when I did not know if we would ever be able to have children. And look now. Three blessings in three years. We have done nothing to deserve these special gifts. They have blessed us way more than we could ever bless them. And although the days are long, the years have gone by in the blink of an eye. She has become a little lady this past year. I am constantly amazed at her maturity, her love, and her zest for life. God has great plans for our sweet Ella!

Ella's Prayer

"Dear Lord, tank you for dis day. Tank you for de food in our bodies. Tank you for mommy and daddy, the fish, and duck poop. Amen."-out of Ella's mouth tonight (I totally didn't see that last part coming.)

You can't deny that was a sincere prayer. Love her.

Be encouraged

I am not a parenting expert. Not even a novice. An advanced beginner, perhaps? This whole video may come across as a little pollyanna-ish. I guess I've just heard enough mothers snicker and tear each other down enough that I only desire to be a voice of encouragement. We are all just doing the best we can with the tools we've been given.  So when you are done watching, go and encourage another mommy. Don't give her tips on how to "do it right". Just love her right where she is at in this whole mothering gig and tell her she is blessed and doing great! Go help another mommy at the playground or grocery store. We all have off days. We all have days where are children act like they are possessed by demons...they especially love to do this when out in public. They are funny little creatures like that. But, we as adults have rotten attitudes and days too. Remember that next time your kid throws a tantrum in the middle of Macy's...lord knows Ella has shown herself in almost every public venue at this point. Be encouraged. Happy mother's day!

Untitled from Sarah Antweiler on Vimeo.

What happened?

I know, I know. I promised all these videos and totally dropped off the face of the earth. Little man is cutting his bottom teeth I think and SUPER needy...like, don't put him down for one second or he'll get mad. This also means he is waking up at night...albeit only wanting a pacifier, yet still interrupting my sleep cycle. So if you see me at the grocery store and wonder why I look like tired, well, it's because I am!

Meanwhile, one of my dearest friends and her 4 year old son flew in from Texas for a visit. We talked till the wee hours of the morning. It reminded me of life before kids when staying up until 1 or 2 am was no big deal. After a few nights of this, I was quickly reminded that I am not in my 20's anymore...boy am I paying for those late nights this week!

So, I'm resting up for our big day tomorrow...Ella's going to be a big 3 years old! How can this be? That would mean I am about to turn 31...certainly this is not true as I really don't remember even turning 30. But then I look at the wrinkles around my mouth, the muffin top tummy that I didn't have in my 20's, and the pitiful hair on my head and realize I have indeed aged.  Guess it's time to look into that lipo and microderm abrasion. Hey, don't judge. I love the body God gave me...but, this is not it. My kids gave me THIS body.

Anyway, hopefully this lame-o post will suffice for a couple more days till I can pull my self together enough to get back on the video bandwagon.

Yes, I am that vain. (Not really. I'm just realizing that it has been 8 months since I had the twins, so I am feeling the pressure to start pulling myself together again. You know...like lose that 15 pounds still lingering around my midsection.) Sigh.