Friday, February 4, 2011
Music to my ears
There are many stories I have not shared about things that have transpired since the twins were born. Some things I chose not to share because instead of falling into a state of panic, I fell to my knees and prayed.
Today, while Audrey slept and Ella was at preschool, I spent some time snuggling with my little wide-awake man. We put on some music and he just laid on my chest and kneaded his chubby fingers on my arm. I sang to him and he would smile...showing off his little dimple on his right cheek. And I shed a few tears of happiness.
You see, when Jacob was born he failed his hearing test. A couple weeks later, it was repeated, and he failed again. The audiologist told me not to worry, that it could strictly be anatomical, and as he grew, the canal would open.
And although I held onto that hope, I still couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he had been on two very strong antibiotics that can cause hearing loss. Although, I doubted this as the cause since he was not on them very long, I still felt this overwhelming concern.
As time went by, I thought about how this would effect his life. I don't care if my children are less than perfect, but I cried at thought that this would profoundly effect everything in his life.
I grew up surrounded by music. Myself a novice piano player, I wondered whether he would ever be able to experience the joy that music brought to our lives. I wondered if it would effect his balance, if kids would make fun of him, if he would be able to go to regular school.
I would regularly whisper into his ear when he was in the NICU those 2 months. I would tell him that no matter what, I would help him...that Andrew and I would always love him and do whatever we needed to help him feel normal...that in God's eyes, we were all the same. And that to me...he was perfection in the highest sense.
There are many things that happened during last years pregnancy and during our time in the NICU that have forever changed our lives. I will never be the same woman I was before all this happened. And while others may worry whether their child will make the football team or cheerleading squad...
I can't help but feel so covered by God's love and mercy. When I sing to my son and he smiles, I am reminded that God has been so good to us.
Because, Jacob, can in fact hear (...very, very well actually!!!) And that, is music to my ears.