Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Be Still...

It was stuck...her finger, that is. I'm still not sure how she managed to shove her finger into the small train. She flung her hand around, screamed, and continued to attempt to pull it off herself. When she finally realized she couldn't do it on her own, she came to me. If she had just stayed still for a second, I could have removed the little yellow train very quickly. Instead, Ella continued to pull away, making it difficult to get the toy off. I did finally get it off her finger, but only after she finally sat still. She didn't realize that the more she continued to pull, the more she was bringing unnecessary pain upon herself.

Leave it to my little 20 month old to teach me yet another life lesson. I think God must laugh when I have these "aha!" moments. I'm sure He is exhausted from my constant need to be in control. You would think I'd get it by now. But like Ella, I constantly try to do things on my own until I run to Him out of desperation with a train stuck on my finger. When will I learn to be still and remember that He has it completely in control? When I am I going to learn that doing things my way will usually lead to suffering?

Someone recently told me "Sarah, if you could see God's plan from beginning to end for you, you wouldn't change it." I've been reflecting on her comment. Initially, it made me think "well, maybe God should just show me His plan...or at the very least give me a glimpse. Then I could be still and let Him do his work."

Again, God laughs at me. You see, if God showed us a glimpse into our future, there would be no need for faith and trust.

Very soon, we will be embarking on yet another step of faith. The details are not important, but the need to be on our knees praying is. The hardest part isn't the process itself, it is the saying "your will, God, and not my own. God, I'm doing my part, but it's completely up to you. I only want this if YOU want it for us." I preach it, but do I believe it? Do I really mean it when I say "your will be done, Lord?"

"I do Lord!!! But help me with my unbelief!!" {Mark 9:24}

And the Lord says: Sarah, "Be still and know that I am God." {Psalm 46:10}

Dear Ella,
Sometimes I really wonder if I teach you anything at all. It has been amazing to see how God has used you for His glory in my life. He is using you to teach me about faith, hope, and love. You are proof of Jeremiah 29:11. You are my hope sent from God.
I love you a thousand times,

1 comment:

Courtney said...

Awesome post! It is so hard to just be still and let God lead, but His plans are ALWAYS better than our own. :-) I'm praying for you and I hope that God reveals His plans to you about your upcoming decisions.