Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Day Ella licked the stirrups at the OBGYN's office

You would think considering I was at OBGYN's weekly last year when I was pregnant with the twins that Ella would be well acquainted with the whole "get dressed from the waist down and put this stupid paper thing over yourself to maintain some modesty for a moment before the world sees all your business" thing. (How about that for a run-on sentence?). So, per usual, I went to the OBGYN for a little check up recently and modeled yet another fancy sheet. No biggie. I get Ella set up with her markers and paper. I figure that should keep her occupied for at least five seconds.

So, the difference between this year and last year is that Ella is 3, not 2. Well, "duh!" you might say. But the difference is that we have officially entered into the land of "why?" EVERYTHING I do or say gets followed with a "why?" from Ella.

Here is a recent "why?" moment to help you further understand what I am dealing with these days:

Me: Alright Ella, let's get in the car to go to the store.
Ella: Why are we going to the store?
Me: Because Tigger needs more cat food.
Ella: But, why? Why does he need cat food? Why can't Tigger eat people food?
Me: Because it will make him sick.
Ella: But why will it make him sick?
Me: I don't know. God just made him that way.
Ella: But why did God make him that way?
Me: I don't know?
Ella: Why did God make Tigger a cat?
Me: I don't know Ella. Let's get in the car.
Ella: But, why can't Tigger eat turtle food? 
Me: Because it will make him sick.
Ella:, we are going to go buy him some cat food?
Me: Exactly.
Ella: ..............but, why?
Me: (insert black stare and crickets chirping)

Anyway, you get the idea. I digress.

So, here we are at the good ole OBGYN office when Ella sees all the fabulous diagrams of female internal organs. And of course, nothing is more exciting than explaining female parts to a 3 year old who says "but, why????" to everything. Oh, but it is! Because in the midst of me explaining basic female anatomy to a 3 year old, bearing in mind I am still sitting there half naked", when Ella starts playing with the stirrups. Of course, I told her to stop. I cannot imagine anything nastier than touching those...until she did the unthinkable.

Ella licked the stirrups in the OBGYN office.

After scolding her, all I could think was what kind of bodily fluids or STD's have touched those stirrups. You may be thinking germy feet...but, all I could think of was someones water has probably broken on the table and gotten on those stirrups.


As I was contemplating whether I should wash her tongue off with soap or rubbing alcohol (I kid), I witnessed something worse.

A second "licking" of the stirrups.

This time, I really thought I was going to come unglued. But, instead, I just looked at her and said "But why?"

Dear Lord, please don't let my child end up with he.rpes on her tongue!


Lauren said...


Wading Patiently said...

Hahaha, she'll be fine :-) I read somewhere recently that children ask why all the time because they want to keep the conversation going with you... Good luck! Adorable story!

Jessica said...

Oh, I've so been there! When my now 2 year old son was an infant, my daughter who was 27 months at the time, licked the Chick-fil-A toilet seat AND reached INTO the feminine waste disposal proceeding to get her arm stuck...all while I changed a breastfed newborn's diaper explosion. Yes, fun times. I DID clean the inside of her mouth in a frantic moment as she cried (I cried too). A milestone moment for sure now that I can look back at it from a distance. Life with littles...never a dull moment!

Andrea said...

OMG! I needed this laugh today! The germ a phob in me would have lost it.

PhaseThreeOfLife said...

Oh... my... hahahaha!

I mean, I know it's not funny, but it is. (Also thoroughly enjoyed the conversation about cat food. I can see what I have to look forward to!)

Life Happens said...

Oh my! I think I would probably have gone over the edge at that point. But what are you gonna do? Kids are kids (even germy). There bodies can take those germs once in a while.

Cadie said...

bahahaha! That is hilarious! A tad bit gross, but so funny!! Thanks for sharing! :)

Shawn said...

too funny!!

Amber said...

Too funny! Thanks for sharing!